lol, nice. The reason for the large german with a gold fiddle was it was 4-5 am and he was tired and wanted to go to sleep, but being the night-owl I am basically just kept him awake, so he decided to end it. For that matter, he has always had a bad habit of fudgeing his dice rolls...se we knew something was up :p

Especially after my character, who was at -12 hp, got up and turned the TV on because it was time for her favorite show.

(I was in the game Urza mentioned)

lol, I forgot about that!

wasn't I the one who killed you? or did he hit you with a rocket?

This happened recently:

A dire bear ate my warrior's mount, a giant eagle.

Anyway, after exacting cool revenge on the dire bear, and a myrad of other horrors, here's what happened.

The warrior's arms were torn off, and reattached as zombie arms. They will stink if he doesn't oil them.

The bird was reincarnated as a Frost Worm. It was very confused.

The dire bear was reincarnated as a Dire Orca. It nearly died under it's own weight, until it was Baleful Polymorphed into a little bunny.

The Worm/Bird, which retained it's mental stats, and, which now has an intelligence of 10... it discovered this, and stomped on the bunny. The Huge Dire Bear that had killed my Large Giant Eagle lost in the Huge Worm vs. Tiny Rabbit battle. Owned.

Okay, so I had a Half Elf thief with ridiculously high agility, who was constantly stealing from his fellow party members. He had managed to obtain a very big bag of holding, and a baby dragon familiar. The dragon's preferred food was fish, and Taggard (the half elf) had bought 300 pounds of fish to feed it (the DM assured me the fish would stay fresh in the bag).

Our group had run into a vampire that we needed to kill, for terrorizing the townspeople and kidnapping maidens and the like. On the first turn, I roll a critical miss. And my DM, who would rather make his players look stupid than just kill them, decides that I drop an item. Or rather, 300 items.

Taggard: "allright, freak, you're going to die and never terrorize these people again!"
*Taggard's bag suddenly rips open, droping 300 pounds of fish, covering him waist deep in stinky, rotten fish*
Warrior: Hey, Tag, why don't you clean up and let the competent warriors handle this, okay?

Taggard also participated a battle royal against his party, hosted by a king. We were told that the reward would be command over 50 soldiers, which we needed to fight our next opponent. Taggard won, just barely. He walked up to the king, bleeding everywhere, even internally, and a little crisp from lightning bolts flung his way. Frankly, Taggard should have been uncounsious, but was still going thanks to adrenaline.

King: "A fine warrior, who has shown his strength in battle, surely worthy of commanding my men!"
Taggard: "Yes, I've earned this!"
King: "And my daughter's hand in marriage!"
Taggard: "huh?"
Taggard finally passed out, right at that moment... for 3 days. When he woke up, he had a wife he'd never met.

Shadowrun:

Rigger down with a deadly wound, team escaping to the roof of a corp site, with security hot on thier tales.

Sam 1: A helicopter? Who can fly it?
Shaman (me): The rigger...he's almost dead. Drek.
Sam 2: I can, a little. (OOC - Got 1 skill).
Shaman (me): You can barely walk, hell no.
Decker: They are coming, hurry up! (shooting down the stairwell)
Sam 2: Come on! I'll just take off and land on the street.

*Everybody hops on, except the coyote shaman. I summon a wind spirit and use the movement power to get down the building).

Sam 2 then takes off ok, then rolls all ones (including from die pools, etc) to land. Uses karma pool, no luck. Doesn't burn one to avoid an oops.

Chopper rams into side of building, crashes 30 meters down. Everybody but Sam 1 goes down with deadly wounds. Shaman and Sam 1 grab them all and drag them into van while spirit fights off guards at the street level.

We get away.

Also once had a decker roll all ones when upgrading his deck. *Fzzzt* 800,00 nuyen down the drain. Ouch.

Ani/Evangeline says (time PM):
I'm tempted
very sorely tempted
To use Darkness and then try to steal the King's crown before running down the passage
қαγωεεяα says (time PM):
That could hurt...
қαγωεεяα says (time PM):
Since you just might, roll, say, ones on Sleight of Hands and Tumble checks...and end up falling down a conveniently placed trapdoor under the King's throne.

At a D&D campaign, our DM and one of our players were discussing what breed of messenger bird he could have.

Rogue: Could I have a peregrin falcon?
DM: NO, YOU MAY NOT!
Me: Why not? They're pretty much harmless.
Rogue: Except to small field mice.
DM: Wait... what?
Rogue: (slower this time) A peregrin falcon?
DM: OH! I thought you said a PARAGON falcon.
Rogue: Oh lord, no. I'll take one, though, if you...
DM: Nice try.
Pirate: Ooh, can I have a paragon parrot?
DM: It won't be sitting on your shoulder.
Pirate: Yeah. "Polly want a SOUL."

Just before halloween, my Arcana Evolved group had a session. They were going up against the final fight in this particular dungeon. I ask for initiatives.

Crystal: I got an 18
Rose: I got a 17
Justin: I got a 19

And then David, who has been rolling poorly all night announces: [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It's_the_Great_Pumpkin,_Charlie_Brown]I got a rock.[url]

We had to halt the game for a moment so that Rose could set it up as the quote of the week for the store.

--

On another occasion in a different game, we were holed up inside of a house. Somehow(read halflings fault), our carefully laid out plan just fell apart. Crystal's gnome is down in the basement when a group of four burst in from a secret passage. She tries to get out, but they cast shrink on her and stuff her in a bag. At this point they start to notice that there is a well down here for drawing fresh water and our characters manage to get in the door. So for the next three rounds, we're trying to keep them from throwing the gnome in the well. So she's tried getting out through escape artist checks, biting, whatever she could think of. Her turn comes around and she looks despondent. Suddenly, she brightens and yells at the top her lungs, "I'm magical talking gnome! If you realease me, I'll grant three wishes!" It was priceless.

Never had it, but this one I red on the net:
DM@P: You see a dead body lying in the sewer.
P(not really listening): Yeah, I shoot it.
DM (really slow): There-is-a-dead-body-in-the-sewer.
P: Oh, damn. What? I did want to do it.

I was playing a d20 Apocalypse game with three of my buddies. Drew was the GM, Sam was an axe-wielding beat stick/meat shield, I was a rather unattractive (Charisma 6) man with a Barret M82A1 and a .357 wheelgun, and Brad was a... thing. He had gone a little overboard with the mutations, and my GM allowed him to do so out of sheer curiosity - he wanted to see exactly how badly his character ended up sucking.

He had bat wings, a poisoned stinger on a tail, a rhino horn, and poison fangs. To get this, he took ability score penalties, frailty, and bloodlust. The thing was nigh unplayable. The only thing he could really do was fly and blow stuff up (he spent a lot of skill points in demolitions, craft, etc.)

We had just set off on a week long trip on foot to Los Angelas (or what was left of it.) We were about to bed down when Brad decided it would be best if his character drank blood now so he wouldn't have to worry about it the next day. He looked for an animal outside the camp an found a lizard. He flew above it, and struck. He missed. The lizard struck back. It missed. This went on for three more turns and I decided to help out since he was having so much trouble with it. It was tiny, so it had a high AC, but I thought I'd be okay since I had high Dex (17.) In the end, he missed the bugger five times, I wasted two .357 rounds, and the thing ended up taking a chunk out of my buddies neck, poisoning him. Brad took 6 damage to his Constitution (out of ten) and collapsed, dying. Sam ended up chopping itshead off with his axe on the first try. Brad ended up nearly dying, with a whopping 1 Con. and -9 HP. I was seriously contemplating shooting his character to finish him off - forcing Brad to roll up a new guy that DIDN'T suck.

Keep in mind that was the FIRST NIGHT of our FIRST MISSION of the game. What if Frodo set off to Mordor to destroy the ring, but ended up falling down the stairs of his hobbit hole?

This one happened last night while playing D&D:

My rogue-cleric has a nifty pair of shoes that let him literally walk on walls, and of course I abuse this ability whenever the opportunity presents itself. After having found a trap door leading down to a snake pit and a door halfway down the side, I naturally walk down to the door, along the wall, and get the paladin down there to smash it (impossible to pick the lock) using a rope. After figuring out what was on the other side, everyone else wanted to get down there too.

One of the wizards uses the swift fly spell, the monk uses his slow fall and the rope to get down, and the other wizard . . . decides to use a spell that swaps locations with a target person. He picks my rogue, who is currently standing at a 90 degree angle 20 feet over the snake pit, reasoning that I can get back down easily because of my boots but forgetting where I actually was. And since his character wouldn't have actually been able to see mine, the DM didn't let him change his action.

He lived, though it certainly made the encounter more interesting.

Thread Necro! And a long post to boot! I cut it down as much as I can, but these players need a lot of text to talk about.

I've pretty much given up on RPGs since, of my friends, the only two really interested are, well lets just say the kind of players no GM wants and no one else will even consider GMing...

So we first try the Star Wars RPG, as it was the only one I could find in my nearby stores. First mission is just me and my two friends who are interested. So on this first mission we start out in a cantina, with our very stereotypical Smuggler and relatively violent Tech Specialist. A couple thugs come in and start shooting up the place so the Smuggler, sitting in a corner booth, draws and fires a blaster all the way across the room...and criticals. The no VP thug drops dead from a headshot. The Tech specialist pulls a polearm and smacks the thugs around a little. The thugs don't like this and return fire, with one pulling a polearm of his own on the Tech.

Long story short, they (party) never take any wound damage, the Smuggler ends up stealing someone else's drink, leaning on the bar, and firing one handed while drinking it...and hitting

They meet the rebel operative who was in the bar, whose bodyguards (despite being relatively good warriors, lvl 5 soldiers) did little in the fight. He tells them he needs to get out of Dodge fast and is willing to give them a reward, which is more than enough to get the smuggler in. They make their way to the starport, witnessing a random act of stormtrooper brutality (which, thankfully, they didn't try to get involved in). When they get there's I've got a nice bluff style encounter set up, now I should mention that the tech specialist managed to steal a frag grenade from the bandits here.

So this encounter is set up so that they can safely approach the troopers and bluff their way through, these troopers have been on duty for a while and their commander isn't paying much attention at all so they have negative bluff modifiers. So of course my players concoct a nice plan where they walk up, find out the starport is closed, and without telling the rebel operative (who had hired them to protect him) toss a grenade at the stormies and take cover behind nearby buildings.

Eventually they killed all the troopers off, with only 1 of the original 4 bodyguards still alive (the others having valiantly given their lives to save their leader) and the commander flees, safely escaping down a plot-convenient alleyway that suddenly appears. They loot the stormtrooper, in the middle of a public street, and find a nice rifle for the tech as well as a Stormtrooper PDC thing the commander dropped.

They get inside to the rebel's ship where I've got a nice firefight planned out. The Tech takes up position behind a few barrels while the others walk up and hit the button to open the ramp. I roll listen checks, the bodyguard critically fails, the operative fails normally, the Smuggler also fails (all rolls below 5), I give the Tech a penalty due to distance and other factors and roll...he succeeds...so the guy 20 ft back hears stormtroopers wandering about, banging metal on metal in the ship and takes aim, the others, oblivious, open the door.

Out walk two troopers, and the smuggler immediately sets to work bluffing them. I had figured that the troopers had 2 ranks in bluff, the smuggler had 3. I let him try, and he rolls high enough to convince one that he's actually a stormtrooper commander in disguise (his idea). The other is less convinced, until the smuggler shows his PDC (+5 to bluff check) and tries again, again succeeding. The troopers notice the tech and ask what he's doing, the smuggler again bluffs them convincing them that he was covering their 6 (despite the fact he's taking aim at the troopers...lucky). He gets them to let him and his group aboard and leaves, having made me hit my head on the table multiple times...

Later on our valient crew is flying their modified YT-1300 and come upon the wreck of an Acclamater in orbit of Geonosis while protecting a cargo-modified Correllian Corvette. They find a pirate in a (damaged) Firespray (Slave 1 was a modified firespray fyi). I expect them to win the fight and destroy the 'spray, their first shot takes out it's (damaged) shields. Subsequent shots take it down to half hull, so I roll for system damage. Get a nice Engine roll and rule that the Firespray loses half of it's already low movement. They fire again, I roll system damage again...engine? Okay, it's down to 1/4 speed now, docking speed.

Oh boy, I should not have said docking. The smuggler (pilot) orders a cease fire and tries to dock. I give him major penalties for trying to dock with an unwilling ship, and give the pilot of the firespray minor penalties for being slow and let him roll an opposed check. Oh look, he managed to dock with the Firespray...and board it...and kill it's (quickly improvised, thank you back of the book that has low-level thug templates) crew...and they're leaving the tech specialist onboard...oh come on, did they just Grand Theft Spaceship!?

Later in the same mission they managed to power up the Acclamater (lucky high-computer use tech specialist), steal 2 damaged autoturrets (I'd been playing too much Battlefront ), create an elaborate diversion plan involving a couple of missiles without explosives (don't ask) on the Acclamater so that they could destroy another pirate ship, not need the diversion as they got some very lucky rolls before it could be prepared, board the other pirate ship (much larger), kill all but 3 of the crew of 30 with some lucky grenades and force powers (there were 3 of them), escape from the ship whose self-destruct had been activated (they were not getting 2 ships I vowed), force push some cargo containers out of the ship through a hole made by a couple of the explosion-less missiles and into their YT-1300, and, oh, can't forget, almost make the Acclamater self-destruct, being saved when the reactor conveniently ran out of fuel (lucky die roll).

Intelligence + A knack for foiling the GM's plan + Extreme Luck + Questionable morals, despite being declared good guys = A GM's worst enemy...

And that's without going into their recent escapades in the Stargate RPG, or their encounter with the recurring enemy Hutt on Lok...or their encounter with the Toydarian on the same planet who they almost killed for no reason...

I do starcraft Rp's game type so most of mine involve using the spawning tool(Which is given 99999damage for destroying unwanted buildings) to destroy my enemies in the most ingenius ways. By far my favorite ones are where a guy creates a character that he wants to be better than everyone elses.
I will call this man green and me blue.

Green: K my hybrid warriors have cloaks
Blue: K
Green: and you cant see them at all. They dont have the wavy thing like the guys from Predator
Blue: K
*time passes*
Blue: Guard: Nice night, hopefully one of the creatures fromt the facility doesnt attack us
Green: ????: Seems we are though... You can hear them but not attack them
Green soldiers kill one of my men
Blue: Guard: FIRE
Blue soldiers kill one of their men.
Green: You cant hit us we have (Phase Technology) bullets cant hit us.
Blue: Guard: ATTACK AGAIN
BLue Soldiers kill one of their men

Im down to three and am getting pissed off at this guy for his "Enhancements" he makes to his characters(there about 7 by the way).

Blue: ???: Eat this.
Blue Hero kills one Hybrid
Green: What the Fuck blue?
Blue: what?
Green: You killed one of my guys!.... Well just call it a lucky shot
Blue: Heat Vision Googles
Green: OO
Hybrids run to facility
Green: Ok while in the facilicty my guys are invincible and you cant see them or shoot them at all.

This is where I would either get everyone to ban him or kill his hybrids because hes being an ass. It didnt happen that way. Actually everyone left the game and he was left to his own devices.

I was playing an online D&D game on a forums. The story was set on a ship and we were getting attacked by winged demons. One player in my adventuring group killed me.
Teammate: I throw iron dagger at winged creature
DM: Miss
Teammate: I throw another one this time with more thrust.
DM:Missed
Teamate is quite frustrated now
Teammate: I throw it with all my stamina, focus, and percision
DM thought to be a smart ass and did this
DM: The iron dagger goes sailing through the air with great speed and directing right at the demons heart area. Unfournately the demon dodges it and the dagger goes straight and cuts the rope holding the sail. The pole crashes backwards in the end bow. A rope nooses tightly on your arm which so happens to be tied to the pole.
My teammate panicked
Teammate: I grab whatever object is closest to me
DM : you manage to grab onto Grant's (me) shirt. The pole sinks to the ocean pulling you and Grant in.
Me: I take a slash at teammates arm
DM: It misses
Me:
Reason why DM was acting like such a dick. His girlfreind broke up with him.
True Story