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A lesser known tale of Thor!

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A lesser known tale of Thor!

Postby cervantes on Wed Jun 25, 2003 4:32 am

As told by Loki, to a demon friend of his.

Loki: I was up to my neck in shit once. They made a saga about it.

Demon: What?

Loki: Set down and I'll tell you about it. TRUE story. Many years ago I convinced Thor of the Aesir that the reason for his impotence was that he was pregnant.

Demon: PREGNANT?

Loki: Mmm. He's not very bright. And I told him to lie face down and naked on his sleeping furs until I came and delivered him of child.

Demon: He listened to you?

Loki: I was disguised as a wandering physicia, and, as I said, he's...

Demon: Not very bright?

Loki: ExACTly. So I fed him a gallon of castor oil, painted his arse blue and shoved a cork up his ass-hole.

Demon: WHY?

Loki: Because it amused me to do so. I told him it was the cure for his condition. Then I went off to sleep with his wife.

Demon: HoHOH!

Loki: She WASN'T much of a lay. But it amused me to know that if would destroy him if ever he found out. So Thor is lying face down with a cork up his fundament for a week and a day, while his insides continue to rumble their course. And NOW he's got a pain in his gut like you wouldn't believe, as the pressure continues to build... I'd told him he might experience some pain. That it was common in pregnancy. SUDDENLY, into the room, through an open window, bounds Ratatosk, the squirrel who lives in the branches of the world tree. Ratatosk is curious as any little squirrel. And he climbs on top of Thor's straining, squirming buttocks, and he... Pulls OUT the cork. *Thbbbbbbbbt!!!* Its and explosion... Eight days' worth of oiled shit thunders forth from the fundament of the lord of storms. And the mighty Thor sits up, and looks round, and sees Ratatosk on the ground, stunned, gassed, befouled. And slowly, with hands as big as ham hocks, he picks up the little animal, and stares at it. And then, with one ponderous motion, he CLASPS it to his bosom. "You're ugly" He says, "You're hairy, and your covered in shit. But you're MINE, and I LOVE you!" *Loki stares at the demon, his story obviously at a conclusion as the demon gives him a look in return as the full effect of the story sinks in. The demon falls to the floor in a mad fit of laughter.*

Demon: Ehehehhehahahhahahha!!!!! Ohhhhh, that's RICH, that is... "You're mine and I love you." HEEEEE! Ooh...
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Postby Grumlen on Wed Jun 25, 2003 4:47 am

What is this doing in here? You've already made an intro post, and this has nothing to do with n00bs (except that they tend to be gullible). Still slightly funny though.
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Postby cervantes on Wed Jun 25, 2003 4:52 am

Oh gee, oops, I posted one thing to the wrong forum, who's got the stones, I'll go stand by the wall, see if you can hit me guys!

As long as I get a laugh woot-woot.
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Postby Grumlen on Wed Jun 25, 2003 4:54 am

Let those with the most sarcasm cast the first stones . . . Soth, I believe you go first.

[edit]Thought of a better word.[/edit]
Last edited by Grumlen on Wed Jun 25, 2003 7:17 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Evil Bob on Wed Jun 25, 2003 6:15 am

Good story =P
Personally I don't care where its posted!
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Re: A lesser known tale of Thor!

Postby cervantes on Wed Jun 25, 2003 2:00 pm

Ah, sarcasm, a geeks most powerful weapon!

Soth? As in lord Soth? I prefer Strahd, he's much cooler.

Hey, thanks Evil Bob, ol buddy ol pal!

I got another Thor joke for you!

So Thor is going at it with this mortal woman for a week and a day, and at the end, he stands up, lifts his hands above his head to exclaim "I am THOR!" At that, the woman rolls over, looks up at him with a dopey grin and replies. "You're thor? Tho am I!"
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Postby Fergy on Wed Jun 25, 2003 2:43 pm

That's a kinda good joke... Screwed up but still funny... *whishes he had a stone*
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Re: A lesser known tale of Thor!

Postby cervantes on Wed Jun 25, 2003 8:43 pm

Thats me, kinda good, but screwed up. ;)
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Postby SothThe69th on Wed Jun 25, 2003 8:49 pm

/me bitchslaps Cervantes.

Strahd = Whiny Goth.

Soth = Lord de la Roxxor.

Further, since this is post numero 3,000 for me, and it needs to be mentioned again...

Me > you
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Postby daemon princess on Wed Jun 25, 2003 10:47 pm

cervantes, that sounds SO familiar. Where the hell is that from? It's driving me nuts trying to figure it out.
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Postby SothThe69th on Wed Jun 25, 2003 10:49 pm

Soul Calibur
SIG TREND OF THE MONTH IS BLANK SIGS BECAUSE I GOT LAZY AND DIDN'T MAKE THE THING AND STUFF.
"Soth, you truly exemplify the gallant, hopeless romantic.." Lunatic Jedi
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Postby Valdimer on Thu Jun 26, 2003 6:47 am

What good ol' Cerve there has been posting is from Neil Giaman's "Sandman." A most excellent read for anyone who's not had the chance. :D
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Re: A lesser known tale of Thor!

Postby Rorschach on Thu Jun 26, 2003 9:05 am

The Puck - Robin Goodfellow - was the recipient of this little tale - not a demon.
And the punchline of that second joke (if it too, is ripped off from Sandman) should have been "YOU'RE Thor? I'm tho thore I can hardly pith!")
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Re: A lesser known tale of Thor!

Postby cervantes on Thu Jun 26, 2003 1:50 pm

Is that so Soth? Well then, if Strahd is so lame, why was it SOTH that ceased to exist for a while, and Strahd still reigned in Barovia? Huh? Huh? Tell me that, tough guy!

Daemon, Val's right, Soths WRONG! It was from The Sandman, by Neil Gaiman, a DC Vertigo title.

Pft, Soul Calibur, thats just stupid. (Yeah, I know you mean my handle, but even then you would be semi-wrong, have you never heard of Don Quixote? The author's name is Miguel De Cervantes.)

*Rushing back to my collection.* Say, you're right, funny, I somehow didn't realize it was Puck...

The second joke isn't from Sandman, My mother's fiancee told it to me awhile back. Just because a guy reads comics you think he can't start some shit?!
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Re: A lesser known tale of Thor!

Postby Rorschach on Thu Jun 26, 2003 3:39 pm

'One side, Red!' :D
"Owen, you must hide this baby, at all costs, from Anakin Skywalker."

"Okay. Should we continue to call him Luke Skywalker?"

"Seems fine."
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