The previous sentence is not an invite to hilariously post unexpected pictures of spiders.
There's only so much predictable a forum can take, and I'm using most of it.
This is not a 'But they're beautiful, man! So elegant and perfectly adapted and blah blah why won't women talk to me?' discussion. If you want to extol the virtues of spiders, go make your own thread. And then put a glass over it.
My house is infested with spiders. House spiders. I know you probably live in the US and routinely have to push child-sized tarantulas over on the couch before you can sit down but this is civilisation and house spiders are quite big enough for me, thank-you very much. Size has nothing to do with it. A badly-equipped nocturnal rapist sliding into your bed does not become less terrifying just because his penis is only 2-3", with skinny legs and a tiny body.
I'm terrified of spiders. Terrified. Every part of them fills me with a primal dread. I'm perfectly willing to accept that my fear is irrational. Fuck you. Fuck them. Fuck all of us. I can't wait until 2012 if the end of the world spells the end for these horrific things.
Skittle-skittle they go, racing across my laminate. The cats are fucking useless. I've had to kill about half a dozen in the last few days. From a distance usually. With a thrown slipper. Death from above. And the woman downstairs, yesterday, commented about how she's having the same problem. She reckons it's from the basement. I didn't need to know that. She's going to get some sort of electical device to get rid of them. Where do you think they'll go? Out into Scotland's wintry Autumn? Or upstairs to where fat, cowardly pickings make easy prey for their independently moving myriad of eyes. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Spiders.
So I too have invested thirty notes in a spider repeller. I suppose now it's a race against delivery time to see whether I can beat my neighbour to it. Or whether the spiders can get organised and launch a combined strike against us all. I'll leave them, you know. Leave them both without a thought. Move to Alaska and no, I never had a family. Cold here isn't it? No spiders then? Nice one.
I'm finished. Sorry for the massively pointless ramble but I'm teetering on the brink of complete mental breakdown and looking at the screen means I'm not looking at the floor, where I'm likely to see something that will frighten me. Truly, this is hell.
sig by baghead.
That's a good size for a Yum-Yum.