Stupid People (Liz's general message for today)

[Mallory]

i have a good one that wasnt mentioned. I live in western Pa, and we have a really bad a$$ place to eat called "Quaker Steak and Lube" (they have the most amazing wings ever) They always give you these moist towlettes at the end of your visit, and the package for the moist towelettes actually have instructions for use. the instructions are as follows:

1. Squeeze
2. Pop
3. Wipe

The first thing that came to our minds was "did they steal this from instructions for how to pop a zit??" lol, we found it quite humourus as im sure you will too

~ Mal

[dmpotter]

Adding on to this list...

I can't remember what I saw this on, either on a jar of peanut butter or a package of peanuts, but it contained the great notice:

This product may contain peanuts.

I assume it was to warn people with peanut allergys not to eat, uh, peanuts. Erm, duh.

(I'm also a little concerned about the "may." Apparently it "may" contain peanuts, but maybe not?)

[Zantar Black]

I think one one package of peanuts I got on a plane actually had instructions.

Step 1: Open package
Step 2: Eat nuts

[daemon princess]

There's a brand of tuna that comes in the kind of can you open like a can of soda. It has step by step instructions with pictures on how to open it.

[furre]

[quote="dmpotter";p="283532"](I'm also a little concerned about the "may." Apparently it "may" contain peanuts, but maybe not?)[/quote]
You'd be amazed.

[Mo0]

Taken from my wonderful random IRC script (which happens to have been written by Soth), and edited for forum consumption: 79 stupid warning labels. Enjoy!

1 - "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.
2 - "For external use only!" -- On a curling iron.
3 - "Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron.
4 - "Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer.
5 - "Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer.
6 - "Do not use while sleeping or unconscious." -- On a hand-held massaging device.
7 - "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." -- On a toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan.
8 - "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists.
9 - "This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -- On an electric rotary tool.
10 - "Caution: Do not spray in eyes." -- On a container of underarm deodorant.
11 - "Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard.
12 - "Caution: This is not a safety protective device." -- On a plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn.
13 - "Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks." -- On an "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter.
14 - "Battery may explore or leak." -- On a battery.
15 - "Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer.
16 - "Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow.
17 - "This product is not to be used in bathrooms." -- On a Holmes bathroom heater.
18 - "May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray.
19 - "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock."
20 - "Caution! Contents hot!" -- On a Domino's Pizza box.
21 - "Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup.
22 - "Warning: May contain small parts." -- On a frisbee.
23 - "Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush.
24 - "Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife.
25 - "Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old.
26 - "Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." -- On a battery.
27 - "Warning: Do not use on eyes." -- In the manual for a heated seat cushion.
28 - "Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser pointer.
29 - "Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven.
30 - "For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle prod.
31 - "For use by trained personnel only." -- On a can of air freshener.
32 - "Keep out of reach of children and teenagers." -- On a can of air freshener.
33 - "Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror.
34 - "Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft." -- In the manual for a jetski.
35 - "Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." -- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm.
36 - "Do not use as ear plugs." -- On a package of silly putty.
37 - "Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator." -- On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia.
38 - "Warning: knives are sharp!" -- On the packaging of a sharpening stone.
39 - "Not for weight control." -- On a pack of Breath Savers.
40 - "Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth." -- On the label of a bottled drink.
41 - "Theft of this container is a crime." -- On a milk crate.
42 - "Do not use intimately." -- On a tube of deodorant.
43 - "Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." -- On a box of rat poison.
44 - "Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757.
45 - "Cannot be made non-poisonous." -- On the back of a can of de-icing windshield fluid.
46 - "Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller.
47 - "Excessive dust may be irritating to shin and eyes." -- On a tube of agarose powder, used to make gels.
48 - "Look before driving." -- On the dash board of a mail truck.
49 - "Do not iron clothes on body." -- On packaging for a Rowenta iron.
50 - "Do not drive car or operate machinery." -- On Boot's children's cough medicine.
51 - "For indoor or outdoor use only." -- On a string of Christmas lights.
52 - "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child sized Superman costume.
53 - "This door is alarmed from 7:00pm - 7:00am." -- On a hospital's outside access door.
54 - "Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station.
55 - "Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems." -- On a box of Midol PMS relief tablets.
56 - "Product will be hot after heating." -- On a supermarket dessert box.
57 - "Do not turn upside down." -- On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box.
58 - "Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame." -- On a lighter.
59 - "Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball." -- On the label for a cheap rubber ball toy.
60 - "Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice.
61 - "May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers.
62 - "Using Ingenio cookware to destroy your old pots may void your warranty." -- A printed message that appears in a television advertisement when the presenter demonstrates how strong the cookware is by using it to beat up and destroy a regular frying pan.
63 - "Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." -- In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw.
64 - "Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." -- From a manual for an SGI computer.
65 - "Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a package of peanuts.
66 - "Do not eat." -- On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing.
67 - "Access hole only -- not intended for use in lifting box." -- On the sides of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds.
68 - "Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills.
69 - "Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." -- Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle.
70 - "Do not use orally after using rectally." -- In the instructions for an electric thermometer.
71 - "Turn off motor before using this product." -- On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain.
72 - "Not to be used as a personal flotation device." -- On a 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame.
73 - "Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets.
74 - "Please remove before driving." -- On the back of a cardboard windshield (for keeping the car from getting too hot when parked).
75 - "Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.
76 - "Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV.
77 - "For lifting purposes only." -- On the box for a car jack.
78 - "Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless phone.
79 - "Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch.

[elroy]

Never seen any instructions that obvious over here..

[wocket]

[quote="Mo0";p="283618"]79 - "Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch.[/quote]

0.0 >.< 0.0

How could a WRISTWATCH be mistaken for underwear?

[KaneTheMediocre]

I had a reading light (the ones that clip onto the book) with the warning "Contains small parts. Not for use by children under 14"

I was 12 at the time, and this worried me.

[mikehendo]

The sad thing is, that all of those have to be listed because if they werent there someone could sue the company.. and most likely win

[Eihger]

54 - "Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station.

My chest almost collapesed from the lack of air I had from laughing

[Raelcun]

A lot of these bad warning labels are kinda unfair because all you have to do is find a bad translator to translate them. --;; Ever try translating a page to Spanish and then back to English with the auto translators? You get some pretty gut busting phrases.

[elroy]

[quote="mikehendo";p="283660"]The sad thing is, that all of those have to be listed because if they werent there someone could sue the company.. and most likely win [/quote]
Not over here they wouldn't.. Here people still have common sense. (although it's getting worse)

[Mezzanine]

----
62 - "Using Ingenio cookware to destroy your old pots may void your warranty." -- A printed message that appears in a television advertisement when the presenter demonstrates how strong the cookware is by using it to beat up and destroy a regular frying pan.

----

I will PAY to see this infomercial! MUST-SEE-TV!

Host: "Now, see, watch the old pot, Judy, as I SMASH! it with the Ingenio pot! See?"

BAM! BAM! BAM!

Audience: "Ooh!" *applause*


EDIT: I found this page of infomercial "reviews", and there's more info on this one!
http://home.att.net/~toyletbowlbbs/cooking.htm

[Dreamer]

45 - "Cannot be made non-poisonous." -- On the back of a can of de-icing windshield fluid.

Anyone wanna guess what I thought of first when I saw this one? Hehe. "Not-poison"

And actually, the reasoning behind those labels is even a little worse. They're not just there to avoid being sued in the future, but 90% of the time it's because they were ALREADY sued for it in the past.

Anyone remember the woman who got scalded by the McDonald's coffee? Well, hence the "Warning contents are extremely hot" warning.