Cancer sucks

Blackjack · Post by **Blackjack** » Thu Mar 03, 2005 5:50 pm

About a year odd ago, my grandad was diagnosed with cancer. He went and got the treatments and things, but we all knew that it would only delay the process. So far he lived a normal life where he went about his business as if nothing was wrong. But today, in fact, 10 minutes ago, I went up to see him, cautioned that he was amazingly ill. I decided that if i didn't see him now I would just regret it. So I went up to see him and he did look like absoloute hell, I had to leave the room when I only had a glance at him.

As you might expect, I'm really depressed at the moment becuase of it, and to be honest I don't trust myself to not say something stupid or take it out on other people.

Right now, I just want to think for a while, so I'm going to end this post here.

(Also, anyone who is going to say things like "people die, get over it" can just fuck off right now, I don't care about your opinion, so don't give it to me.)

Mr.Shroom · Post by **Mr.Shroom** » Thu Mar 03, 2005 6:48 pm

Its odd. When you know you look like hell like that, and you're not sure how things are going to turn out, you're stuck with two contrasting thoughts: On one hand, you want those you care about around you. On the other hand, you don't want to see the pain and suffering in their eyes when they realize how bad off you are.

Its a personal choice, really, and a selfish one...but one quite justified regardless.

Does your grandfather want others near him, or would he prefer for you all to simply remember him in better times?

Blackjack · Post by **Blackjack** » Fri Mar 04, 2005 12:31 am

Well, thats one thing thats really bothering me. He doesn't even know who I am, or anyone else but my gran for that matter. The closest you'll get to a conversation with him now is a "hello", then he'd probaly forget you walked into the room.

When I actually looked at him, I thought I was looking at his dead body, he was just staring blankly into space. Too be honest, I don't think he's aware enough to actually realise anything is happening. He doesn't know he is ill anymore, and doesn't realise if someone were to burst into to tears in front of him.

I've been told that his chances of getting through the weekend are low, but hopefully I will be able to actually go in and talk to him before then. This is probaly the first "major" relative to have ever been like this in my life, and I don't want any regrets.

Seir · Post by **Seir** » Fri Mar 04, 2005 4:07 am

Talk to him as soon as you can. I don't mean to be blunt or rude, but you know he's going to die. I think at least saying something to him is going to provide a form of closure, otherwise if you dont, you just might end up wishing for the rest of your life that you did talk to him.

Death is never going to be pleasant, especially if it invovles people close to you. But now this is a time for you to muster up your guts. I think you'll be better off if you do.

coyote blue · Post by **coyote blue** » Fri Mar 04, 2005 4:07 am

Be strong, and even though you may not believe he 'knows' you.. he does. He may not be able to show it in some ways.. he knows and he can feel the love. I can understand losing someone to cancer, lost a young uncle to it. Do what you have to do, each grieve differently. Don't let anyone tell you what you do is wrong. It is all you can do, how ever you cope with it. My prayers are with you, but mainly your grandfather....

Blackjack · Post by **Blackjack** » Fri Mar 04, 2005 5:11 pm

[quote="Seir";p="461098"]Talk to him as soon as you can. I don't mean to be blunt or rude, but you know he's going to die. I think at least saying something to him is going to provide a form of closure, otherwise if you dont, you just might end up wishing for the rest of your life that you did talk to him.
[/quote]

During the night, he passed away, and I never did get the chance.

Mr.Shroom · Post by **Mr.Shroom** » Fri Mar 04, 2005 5:54 pm

To be honest? I don't think he'd want you to have talked with him. If he was that far gone, I doubt thats how he'd want you to remember him: As a shadow of life.

Rather, recall how he was when he was healthier in life and concede to the passing a fun human being on the stage of life.

...assuming said memories are positive, and that your grandfather wasn't a real asshole to you, that is.

Blackjack · Post by **Blackjack** » Fri Mar 04, 2005 8:51 pm

[quote="Mr.Shroom";p="461350"]...assuming said memories are positive, and that your grandfather wasn't a real asshole to you, that is.[/quote]
Probaly quite the opposite actually. I grew up with him being the closest thing to a father.

My thanks for showing your consideration and sharing your advice, hopefully It'll make things even that little bit easier to get through.

KatFreak · Post by **KatFreak** » Fri Mar 04, 2005 10:03 pm

After my Mammaw died, I made a list of everything I liked about her, then sealed it up for a time I thought i might forget her. 8 years, and it has yet to be opened.

amlthrawn · Post by **amlthrawn** » Sat Mar 05, 2005 11:24 pm

Locked at the request of the author.

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