Should twins be separated?

[Smaointe]

I'm a twin.

As babies, we slept together, but from toddler age on, we had separate cots/beds. We were dressed similarly, but not identically. In school, we were separated. It was really heartbreaking, and it made me physically ill from the stress, right through to when I was about 14. We were separated because the school system felt that we would be able to develop individual personalities that way.

I was discussing the issue with a friend, and I really can't decide whether I think the idea is good or not.

On the one hand, I think it is very important for twins to be separate people, and not be completely dependant on each other.

On the other hand, it caused me no less than 9 years of semi-constant agony (no exaggeration). I'm not sure how my sister felt about it, maybe she was glad to be rid of me, but for me it was an absolutely horrible time, I can't even put into words how bad it was. I was an 11 year old with severe depression.. YAY. Why would I put my child through that?

I am also 100% confident that I would have had a closer relationship with my sister if we were allowed to stay together.

What do you think? Should twins be forcefully separated to make sure they develop separate personalities? Or should they be allowed to stay together?

Just look:


Who would want to separate a pair of such inseparable chums?

Boy do I look constipated.

[Blaze]

You know, before, I really couldn't say. But once you said it made you sick from the stress, I say absolutly YES. If you need to be with a person so very badly that it makes you ILL to be without them, that's unhealthy. That NEEDS to be changed.

[Terrene]

So it's worth severe depression and nine years of agony?

I think that's lame. Twins might be given different classes based on academic ability or something, but to develop different personalities? They're gonna do it anyway, you jackasses.

[Blaze]

Would you let a child become so attached to a security blanket that someday they have to carry it in their briefcase to work?

[StruckingFuggle]

Woah, Blaze, who're you to judge how people should be? What's your basis and how can you apply it to other people?

Normally I say you can do that to people, and you disagree with me.

[Terrene]

Just what the fuck is so wrong with having a bond with another person, anyway?

[Blaze]

I didn't imply people should be any way. All I said was that dependence of function was unhealthy. What's the difference between needing someone to get through your day, and needing drugs to get through your day? If you cannot function perfectly fine without some particular substance/interaction/activity durring a given day, then you have an addiction. Addictions are unhealthy. ANYONE will tell you that.

[StruckingFuggle]

I didn't imply people should be any way.

That NEEDS to be changed.

You're right. You didn't imply it, you explicitly said it.

[Blaze]

.... an addiction needing to be cured is saying that a person needs to change? I was pretty sure addictions were an illness, either mental or physical, not a personality trait.

Just what the fuck is so wrong with having a bond with another person, anyway?

There's nothing wrong with having a bond! They're great and important! But if it causes you mental anguish and battered nerves, not to mention outright clinical depression, to be away from them for a few hours each day, THAT is bad. That is unhealthy. That is an addiction.

What Emma describes are almost withdrawl symptoms. People go into a hospital to get clean while suffering withdrawl symptoms. The whole thing of being THAT attached is unhealthy.

I'm not trying to be mean here.

[vixendrop]

Children naturally form very strong bonds with siblings, parents, etc... it's completely natural and healthy... even bonds as strong as what Emma described. Fact is, over time the children will begin to seperate from each other and the bond will soften, especially if they are allowed to wean themselves from that dependance when they're ready. By forcing the seperation it doesn't aid the process, instead only causes depression and resentment. There is nothing healthy about that.

[Blaze]

I don't buy it. Sometimes they may, but I NEVER have known a child to feel WITHDRAWL symptom level anxieties simply from a few hours apart at school. That's unhealthy. Why should it be allowed to continue? The earlier they learn how to function apart from one another, the better they will do later in life. Can you imagine if they didn't learn it till they were 18, and one went away to college while the other stayed home? It was bad enough being 50 feet apart, much less 500 miles.

And what of the issue of dealing with other people? If you've always got your twin there, you don't need to make other friends. There is a SERIOUS SOCIAL PROBLEM today with shut-ins and people who don't have social skills. This is considered an illness as well.

[vixendrop]

Children are naturally social creatures (unless taught differently)... even with a twin "always there" children will make other friends... twins can be very similar, but they do have individual personalities, even if allowed to be together at school. I've never known a child to maintain such a strong attachment for years and years... yes, there can be exceptions... if a child still has such a strong attachement after a few years in school then the situation should be reevaluated. But as a young child such a strong attachment is completely natural and nothing to worry about.

[Blaze]

I dunno. I was always a loner. The ONLY reason I have any friends now is because I had NONE then. I was very strange in my behavior, and nobody really wanted to associate with me very much. But because I had no friends, I had to learn to change. Not a lot, but enough. To become social. If I'd had even ONE person who hung with me all the time, and accepted my personality as it was, today it's almost a guarentee that I would be 100% socially innept and unnaceptable.

[vixendrop]

There are always exceptions, that's true. But sticking with a twin doesn't have to impare social ability, even in one of the exceptions. Everyone learns to be social in different ways. With a twin you have someone to converse with, and meet people through them. Twins are never exactly identical in personalities and so each will interact with others differently. So even in the case of one of the twins being an exception and a loner it can only help because of bringing more people into the situation. So, in your situation, it's entirely possible that you would have had friends even when younger due to your twin's social interaction with others.

[Skorpion]

Ask the children's opinions on it. Best way to go about it, in my book.