Marriage and children: Why?

[rdf1701]

Someone Talked about Peter Wiggin A while back And I just wanted to Add that he himself had 5 Kids (and was a step-father to 5 more … wrap your heads around that for a while…) after he became Hegemon… That’s all I will say… Any More And I will Spoil the end to “Shadow of the Giant”…

Just FYI…

[StruckingFuggle]

Aaaah! So many caps! *ducks for cover before one busts him*

[Bigity]

People who need to make lists of pros and cons about having or not having kids, don't need to have kids, and hopefully don't interact with children, ever. Even relatives.

Some things you can't balance out on a spreadsheet. Sometimes, you have to see your child asleep, hair all messed up, arms and legs thrown everywhere, and the favorite stuffed animal next to them, and just know, that just about nothing else in the world can bring you that kind of joy and hope.

It's scary to have children, it's true. Today's world is not friendly to children, or parents. Luckily, you aren't required to have kids, and only the old-fashioned types look down on folks who don't want em.

[SevTiZ]

[quote="Bigity";p="497008"]Some things you can't balance out on a spreadsheet. ....just know, that just about nothing else in the world can bring you that kind of joy and hope.[/quote]

"Quoted for emphasis"

[StruckingFuggle]

People who need to make lists of pros and cons about having or not having kids, don't need to have kids, and hopefully don't interact with children, ever. Even relatives.

So reasonable people shouldn't have kids? o.o ... they seem to be the ones who SHOULD have kids, more than people who're like "omg damn the consequences! *procreate!*"

[Deacon]

StruckingFuggle, making a list of external pros and cons regarding kids, especially one as narrow-minded and obviously hostile as Layla's, is a symptom of something much deeper than being "reasonable people". Trying to rain on other's parade, such as in this case, is an even stronger manifestation of a person who is thankfully not going to have kids.

[chaos42]

Tough subject. I was married once...I have kids. I love my kids. If I could go back in time, though, I wouldn't have chosen that path. Some people see that as a horrid though...as if I love them less because of that statement. I have my reasons.

Here's the real skinny. If you are a) mature, b) have a mature mate, c) go through some intensive premarital counseling, d) know that you are prepared for the responsibility involved: By all means, go for it and raise a few children. They can be a great joy and we do need some of em to make the world go round....

If you don't meet the above criteria and more, don't go for it. It isn't fair to anyone involved, especially the kids. We do the best we can now. She's remarried to what seems to be a pretyy good guy...I try my best to remain a father in their life while simultaneously impressing upon them the need to respect their new dad no less than myself....It's a bit easier on em because they were so youn when it happened....

All I really was trying to say is: There isn't anything wrong with getting married and having kids if you really want to and are really ready for it. If you don't, however, there's nothing wrong with that and you would certainly do much better to not do it...

Oh, and just so that Riley doesn't get all the cuteness:

[RandyWang]

[quote="StruckingFuggle";p="497234"]

People who need to make lists of pros and cons about having or not having kids, don't need to have kids, and hopefully don't interact with children, ever. Even relatives.

So reasonable people shouldn't have kids? o.o ... they seem to be the ones who SHOULD have kids, more than people who're like "omg damn the consequences! *procreate!*"[/quote]

It's far more disturbing to me that people actually could actually sit down and quantify the value of a new child. I mean, really. There's pros and cons to having a chuld, but if you actually need to consider them in fine detail before choosing to procreate, then perhaps you shouldn't at all.

While "zOMGLET'SHAVETEHKIDDIES" people probably don't deserve them either, I'm sure I'd rather be born to someone who was damn sure they wanted me than someone that had to argue extensively against themself before deciding I was worth it, even if it meant I was disadvantaged as a child because of their inability to provide for me as much as another parent.

[StruckingFuggle]

But how do you be "damn sure you want something" without weighing the positives and negatives of it?

[Arc Orion]

Impulsiveness.

[StruckingFuggle]

... that's not an answer!

[Aiyana]

I love my son with all of my heart.. if I ever lost him Id die. Having him was the best thing that ever happend to me and I dont understand ppl who think differently :/ *frowns and walks off*

[Arres]

Just a little something I'd like to point out. As far as "getting married" is concerned. While it is definitely the happy couples day, the ceremony itself is sometimes as much for the other people in their life as it is for them. This is the day mother's get to cry and father's get to beam with pride. Best friends get to welcome you to the fold or see you join the darkside depending on their status. All of your family and friends get to come together and share with each other their love for the couple and the joy that a couple in love practically drip on those around them. Similar to a funeral, the person(s) its is FOR is not the only reason to HAVE it.

[Jezebel]

I agree with a lot of what you said Arres. Though one could argue that you could do the same thing with a commitment ceremony if one were so inclined.

[EznocDOTcom]

>>> You can only start dating someone if you go somewhere and get drunk? Why are you sleeping with anyone without using protection and checking to make sure they're free of STD's?

--- This was meant as an example of many "typical" people, not me, specifically. - I personally prefer to meet women that are "my type" at places such as the library (seeing what they check out can tell me what type of person they may be) or through volunteer work that I do.


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Which is also a problem, even if you do want to get married. I have seen many, many couples (my parents spring to mind) that really should have divorced but didn't because they have it in their heads that they're really not supposed to, or they don't want to hurt the kids, or it signifies failure and so on. The 50% divorce rates only shows those who actually went ahead with the divorce. It doesn't even reflect those who are separated.


-- I think the largest problem is people get married for the wrong reasons. That is why there are so many divorces. Additionally, people are too set on instant gratification, and don't try to put any effort into a relationship . Many divorces are because the people involved are SELFISH.
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EznocDOTcom wrote (View Post):
You seem to have just contradicted yourself from one sentence to the next. If I need children in order to take care of someone and positively impact them, then how do I have to be a selfish person to not understand it?


---- No contradiction here. If you cannot understand the reasons for marriage and children then you are selfish. If you CAN understand the reasons, then you are not.


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EznocDOTcom wrote (View Post):
Your kids are only disgusting if you are a bad parent
Your kids are only annoying if you are a bad parent
Your kids (except for the very young) only "Scream" if you are a bad parent.

HUH? If you're a good parent, they just pop out of the womb toilet trained, quiet and independent? Sorry that I'm picking on you, hun, it was just that a lot of those things you said didn't seem to make sense to me.


--- A person who raises a "disgusting" kid (i.e. the kid is always dirty, or covered with crap, or eating dirt) .. whatever you consider "disgusting" are because of negligence on the parent(s) - If a child is raised (reared) correctly, they will have manners, and apart from diaper days, [natural bodily function.. unfortunate side effect to child rearing - but prepares you for more 'willpower'] and will not be "disgusting"

--- A person who instills manners into their child [proper behavior] will not have a "brat bastard" (other than in the toddler stages] - Again.. Good Parenting = Solution to this problem

--- A person who instills a sense of decorum in their child (again, good parenting) won't have a kid who "screams like a punk" everywhere they go.

A dirt eating, smelly, screaming, punk kid is the product of a bad parent.
A normal behaving, clean, quiet, good kid is the product of a GOOD parent.