Weddings for under 4000 bucks? HOW? Don't rings cost 20,000?

[StruckingFuggle]

... I'm not sure about Point A, but for Point B, well ... ideally, people should continue to grow, and perhaps change, through their whole life. If you become of solid form and become set in your ways, you become a lesser being ... so 18, 60, it really shouldn't matter *that* much, unless you suck.

[SwngChef]

[quote="StruckingFuggle";p="494160"]How do you account for the fact that people change, SwngChef? What if someone you love changes into someone you don't love?[/quote]

Still doesn't change the fact that a promise was made. Just because a person changes, doesn't relieve you of your commitment. People always change, it's part of life. Marriage is not about oneself...that is what society has tried hard to corrupt. If you cannot DEMONSTRATE what UNCONDITIONAL love and commitment look like, how can you expect your spouse to do the same? If your spouse changes "into someone you don't love":
1) fundamental changes like that aren't sudden
2) why don't you love that person...didn't you make a commitment? (refer to love is not a "thing" rant)
3) if it is absolutely something that is not tolerable, then talk about it with your spouse and lovingly change your marriage for the better.

I re-iterate... if you aren't fully, unconditionally committed to someone..do not get married.

Your spouse "changing" is a condition that you are placing upon the commitment.

[StruckingFuggle]

Well, I don't believe that unconditional love does or even SHOULD exist, and I don't believe unconditional commitment should exist.

1) Who said anything about SUDDEN changes? Not I.
2) Who said you were right in that rant. You can't seriously WILL yourself to love or not love someone, and even if you could, who is anyone to force you to do that?

[kyoryu]

[quote="StruckingFuggle";p="494168"]... I'm not sure about Point A, but for Point B, well ... ideally, people should continue to grow, and perhaps change, through their whole life. If you become of solid form and become set in your ways, you become a lesser being ... so 18, 60, it really shouldn't matter *that* much, unless you suck.[/quote]

Of course people will continue to change.

However, in my grand experience I've seen that people change the most between ages 18 and about 25 or so. Basically as they make the transition from 'child' to 'adult.'

[SwngChef]

[quote="StruckingFuggle";p="494172"]Well, I don't believe that unconditional love does or even SHOULD exist, and I don't believe unconditional commitment should exist.

1) Who said anything about SUDDEN changes? Not I.
2) Who said you were right in that rant. You can't seriously WILL yourself to love or not love someone, and even if you could, who is anyone to force you to do that?[/quote]

For #1 I was implying that one should notice the onset of the change before it becomes so bad that you question the marriage. The change should not be so sudden that it simply changes the way you feel entirely, and without warning.

#2, Loving in a marriage is not a matter a will, so much as it is a matter of hard work. There will always be times where you won't FEEL like loving your spouse...and it is those times where the commitment (and faith in our case) carries you through. Nobody is forcing you to love anybody else. It should be your own desire to remain committed to your spouse and the marriage that prompts you to stick it through. If you can't do that, how can expect your spouse to remain committed when you screw up or change? (and that will happen too)

Perhaps the latest set of newleds would like to chime in this one?

[StruckingFuggle]

And then stagnate.

I'm not saying most people change more between those years than they probably will for the rest of their lives ... What I AM saying is that its possible - and possibly better - to continue! to grow and change, instead of establishing a mental rut at 25 and riding it for the rest of your life.

[Deacon]

Christ almighty. Like it's impossible to grow and be in a relationship

[StruckingFuggle]

For #1 I was implying that one should notice the onset of the change before it becomes so bad that you question the marriage. The change should not be so sudden that it simply changes the way you feel entirely, and without warning.

And then ... what? "Honey, I don't like the person you're becoming. Stop changing." "Yes, dear. I will surrender my free will and my whole sense of self to you." "I love you, baby." "Love ya." ?

Perhaps the idea of marriage as a source of permancy from inception to the death of one of the participants is a ridiculous concept that should be burried with such other patently ridiculous concepts as anarchy.

Posted Wed May 11, 2005 9:06 pm:

[quote="Deacon";p="494184"]Christ almighty. Like it's impossible to grow and be in a relationship [/quote]

... Did anyone say that? I didn't. I never said it was impossible, I just said that the converse WAS.

[Deacon]

...to be in a relationship and grow? It's impossible to be in a relationship and grow as a person? Are you shitting me?

[StruckingFuggle]

*facepalm* No. Though SwngChef seems to almost be arguing for that... So maybe I'm misplacedly reacting and responding to you when you weren't addressing me?

I think it's possible to grow and remain in a relationship. Its also possible to stagnate in a rut and be in a comfortable, boring relationship. I also think that it's possible to grow as a person AND then encounter the natural and fitting death of a relationship because of it, though SwngChef quite clearly quite strongly ( and mistakenly ) disagrees with me.

[SwngChef]

[quote="HoldEmRules";p="494163"]Random question: Does Greg actually work as a private airport refuel guy or is that just a comic gag?[/quote]

I hope so, cause I wouldn't mind doing a cross-country sometime just so I can tell him how much I appreciate his pilot jokes *cracks knuckles*

J/K... I actually really enjoy reading what he chides pilots about.... because dangit, most of the time, he's right

On that subject, anybody know how much Jet A+ is costing over there (contract or non-contract)?

[quote="Deacon";p="494157"]Post pics, SwngChef [/quote]
Working on it...had to dig pics out of backups on my wife's laptop...I didn't have them on my computer since I just built it.

Posted Thu May 12, 2005 1:33 am:

actually.... it is from the hard work and hard times in marriage that the marriage (and those involved) do indeed grow. I am not in the slightest advocating a stymied relationship or stunted individual growth.

thanks for the Fruggle, if it weren't for that, I'd think it was a personal attack

Runners will appreciate this one. Think of the relationship as a marathon, and the training involved with such an endeavor. The training (loving feelings WRT relationships) only gets you so far...and at some point during the actual marathon, you will not feel like continuing, but the runners determined to grow push harder. Later there will come a point where all runners hit "The Wall" where it just seems impossible to carry on (which is the point it seems Fruggle is focusing on). The training (loving feelings) has reached its breaking point, and many (unfortunately) quit. However, this is where the really determined runners are made (or broken). Breaking through that wall requires sheer determination and commitment to finish and grow. Those that push through, despite how much it hurts and how much you feel like quiting, are the ones that feel the greatest reward after finishing. The growth that happens after that feat of commitment is staggering.

No, I very much encourage growth in a marriage, and as an individual within said marriage. I am by no means perfect, and neither is my wife, or our marriage, but both of us made a commitment to each other and the marriage..and in order for us to fully realize that commitment it is imperative that we grow. The mutual growth that is supposed to happen in marriage is what will be most reflected upon as time passes.
Have you ever heard an old couple say "I love my wife/husband just the same as I met him/her"?
No, the much more prevalent saying is "I love my wife/husband more than I ever have." That is a statement of growth...not stagnation

[A3M0N]

my wife and i funded our wedding for right around $200. we had like 10 guests (family) and walked out onto St. Andrew's beach in Panama City, FL (wife's hometown) and got married. reception followed on the next day for the rest of our friends and family.

the ring is her grandma's promise ring. very sentemental thing, but she will be getting her own ring soon (if i can sneak the money away from her, as she is the accounting dept in this marriage). around a 1ct or 1ct total weight i'm thinking.

later

[SwngChef]

For those wanting a look at the rings:
http://community.webshots.com/user/swngchef

As is in the caption for the bands, they look much nicer now than the day of the wedding. The ring maker that the jeweler first used procrastinated a little and the workmanship shows. The jeweler didn't even have time to QC them. So when we showed him how they came out he was a bit shocked. He ended up going a little in the hole on our rings getting them redone with a different ring maker, to include sending us some nice quality wedding bands to wear in the meantime (which we got to keep). Definitely plan on using him in the future...you don't run into a business owner everyday that cares more about getting the job done right than making a profit.

[Deacon]

[quote="SwngChef";p="494222"]you don't run into a business owner everyday that cares more about getting the job done right than making a profit.[/quote]
That's because they're not business owners for very long

But no, the bands look great. I'm curious about how difficult it is to keep all the designs, inscriptions, nooks and crannies clean and crud-free.

[Smaointe]

Old toothbrushes work wonders for getting into tight spaces and under stones.