Ok, please come to talk about Love::I am in a current rut.

[N.E.S.]

I came to this fast-food restaurant selling burgers (I will not say which), and saw this beautiful girl who lit up a room (that was over 1 1/2 years ago; I am now a Senior in high school.)

Boy was she pretty (she was filipino; had braces). Boy did she light up a room. Up until recently, I didn't see her again, nor thought about her much; I just lived my daily life. But when I went back there a month ago, she was still there... I am telling you, this girl is so wonderful. She took off her braces and she was incredible.




I was wondering if you guys can please please discuss with me love, pshycology, being metaphysically bound together. Please just sulk in my solitude and wanting to be with someone, when in the past, everyone has been in that situation.



Well, I was wondering what you guys thought. I want to be with her, but scared she has a boyfriend, and really gets-out. But look at this; She works at a fast-food restaurant for over 1 1/2 years, and I can conclude that she is not a high-roller.

Lately, she is all I can think about, and literally shred to tears. I can't eat, sleep what-not. I want to say that I love her, but don't even know her. I went there just to see her again for one last time just to see her. I walked up to her, and she asked me what to order (I was wearing a hid). I was thinking for a while (well, pretending to), and just stared at her with a smile. So I just ordered an I-cee. She gave me my change, and she actually touched me on my right hand, to this day I kiss when I think of her.

Love is complicated. I want to love her. Havef you guys seen a show called Growing Pains, an episode where Mike and a girl classmate of acting ditched this theatre show of her school to try and audition for a high-time role in a knowntype acting thing? They were there, ready to try out (both of them were partners, and needed each other to audition), but at the last minute, she left, and left Mike in the dust. She later said to Mike, crying, that she would rather not go through audtioniing and KEEP her dreams alive, rather than audition, not getting it, and killing her dreams. That's how I feel. I don't succumb myself, and nearly content with just holding her in my mind, creating imaginatinos of us being together, even though i'm not 100 percent content with doing that non-tangible act of trying to be closer.

I have been on the forums long and reading topics, but this is the first time I registered (I decided to register because this forum is lively, and talks about true life)

I remember i think a guy named skynight, or something like that,(not sure if it was actually him) posting in a topic in the philosophy section, called "is it better to love and lose than never love at all ?", saying that love is the most best thing, and that "If the closest we can get to them is to be a distant friend, or even just to have their photograph, then that is better than nothing. . I totally agreed with this person.

Is it wrong to say that I want to love her and want to be with her? She is truly something special guys, and I really loved sharing this story and would love to hear your stories.

[Spongiform]

[quote="N.E.S.";p="583868"]
Is it wrong to say that I want to love her and want to be with her? She is truly something special guys, and I really loved sharing this story and would love to hear your stories.[/quote]

How do you know if she's "really something special" if you've never really talked to her other than taking her order?


I would reccommend talking to her. Say something, and if she has a boyfriend or doesn't like you or something, just move on. There are three billion women on Earth, surely you can find more than one that you like - especially if you haven't even talked to her.

Lately, she is all I can think about, and literally shred to tears. I can't eat, sleep what-not. I want to say that I love her, but don't even know her. I went there just to see her again for one last time just to see her.

You don't even know her. Get a life. At least do something.

[quote="N.E.S.";p="583868"]
I remember i think a guy named skynight, or something like that,(not sure if it was actually him) posting in a topic in the philosophy section, called "is it better to love and lose than never love at all ?", saying that love is the most best thing, and that "If the closest we can get to them is to be a distant friend, or even just to have their photograph, then that is better than nothing. . I totally agreed with this person.
[/quote]

Shynight's situation was much worse than yours. If I recall correctly, he met a girl online or something and they loved each other and he saved up money and drove down to visit her for a few weeks. She snubbed him and was (audibly) having sex with some redneck jackass while he was trying to sleep. He got legitimately screwed over. You ain't got nothin.

[Dudeman325]

Why is it that on the internet its perfectly fine to talk to strangers about this stuff on a public forum, with people you have almost never talked to before, yet you can't even talk to this person AT ALL?

Seriously, just talk to her, if she likes you and wants to hang out with your or whatever, good for you. If not, get over it and move on. Jeez, you aren't even out of highschool yet and you think you are in true love with someone who you don't even know if she has a boyfriend or not.

[N.E.S.]

spongiform, I have been a reader of this forum for about 2 weeks. I needed a community to read and interact with because of the state of mind I am in right now, just trying to live life, so a few weeks ago, I type in Google "Real Life forums" and this was the first on the list.

I saw that this board is actually very active (more-so that every time I make a serious topic, there is a response in less than 2 minutes.) You have replied almost instantaneously to all my posts, and I just wanted to thank you for making me feel welcome now that I just in the last 30 minutes decided to officially register. Thank you spongiform.

Going back to the topic, I have played that scenerio in my head asking her. I have even reached a state-of mind where even when I got dumped, I thanked her and told her that "It's fine, thanks for your time, I just wanted to take that risk and maybe have something come out of it." And I gave her the rose that I would had for her if she did say yes, and walked out with my head held high.

It's something people don't like losing. But I will try to take that risk. I guess it's just the support people need through knid words.

[cosmic_hippo]

I agree. Talking is the right thing to do. If you don't talk to her then you become a stalker, and no one wants that, except Blaze. You sound a little over eager here so I suggest baby steps. Think Bill Murry in What About Bob.

But then again I have had nothing but bad relationships and am a confirmed bachelor for life, what do I know.

[N.E.S.]

[quote="Dudeman325";p="583877"]Why is it that on the internet its perfectly fine to talk to strangers about this stuff on a public forum, with people you have almost never talked to before, yet you can't even talk to this person AT ALL?

Seriously, just talk to her, if she likes you and wants to hang out with your or whatever, good for you. If not, get over it and move on. Jeez, you aren't even out of highschool yet and you think you are in true love with someone who you don't even know if she has a boyfriend or not.[/quote]

I know. I would like to think of myself as a one-girl man. I suppose that I am just in love with benig in love, even though I had not had the pleasure like most of you guys to be truly in love. I just have a weird way processing ideal ways of thinking and processing them into actual actions.

[Spongiform]

You're welcome.

I actually thought you were trolling for a while... what with the small penis thing, and all.

Now I realize you just have your priorities a bit wonky.

As for replying quickly to all your posts - Nothing personal, but I was/am bored and the forum is kind of slow tonight.

I hope you realise this forum is not about "real life"... it's the forum for a comic strip (loosely) based on a guy's life.


Yeah. I would definitely suggest you actually take the risk instead of playing out scenarios in your head forever. It's a win/win scenario - If she says yes (What are you going to ask her exactly? Lunch/coffee might be a good start) then you realize the importance of action and how you can't say you love someone when you haven't met them... and if she says no, then... um... you get an opportunity to let it go and get a life.

Calling that a win/win scenario is a bit of a stretch but either way you'll be better off than you are now.

[N.E.S.]

[quote="Spongiform";p="583888"]You're welcome.

I actually thought you were trolling for a while... what with the small penis thing, and all.

Now I realize you just have your priorities a bit wonky.

As for replying quickly to all your posts - Nothing personal, but I was/am bored and the forum is kind of slow tonight.

I hope you realise this forum is not about "real life"... it's the forum for a comic strip (loosely) based on a guy's life.


Yeah. I would definitely suggest you actually take the risk instead of playing out scenarios in your head forever. It's a win/win scenario - If she says yes (What are you going to ask her exactly?) then you realize the importance of action and how you can't say you love someone when you haven't met them... and if she says no, then... um... you get an opportunity to let it go and get a life.

Calling that a win/win scenario is a bit of a stretch but either way you'll be better off than you are now.[/quote]

Zomg, wow. (about what this forum is based on)

I was actually having a slow day on the computer today, so I for the first time, wanting to know what all the hype was about it, and used the 'search' feature. For some odd reason, I put Real Life Forums, and it went to this comic strip. I read what it was about, but no idea that it was actually connected with these here forums.

Actually, I would say it is an honour and I am in awestruck.

Posted Sun Jan 15, 2006 2:34 am:

Oh shoot, I meant wanted to know what all the hype about was wikipedia, and from there searched Reel Life forums.

Sorry, I dislike and have a biased on using the edited post option, becuase it will state that you have done so; Even though I know I myself would have known I added in a small word in there, I have had recent experiences in other forums during disputes where people do see that message, and, myself included, wonders what was edited.

[Shyknight]

Best of luck to you, NES. The best way to learn about love and 'real life' is to talk to people, and to spend time with girls. Spend lots of time talking to and making friends with multiple girls your age, but try not to think about them too much while they are gone. If you build up false expectations, you'll just destroy yourself with your own emotions.

If the closest we can get to them is to be a distant friend, or even just to have their photograph, then that is better than nothing.

I remember saying that, but I'm not sure I agree with it anymore. After reflecting on Buddhist teachings, I am more inclined to believe that romantic love (or desire) is the source of ALL suffering. You said yourself, you can make yourself cry with agony if you love someone like that.

TRUE love is more like empathy or compassion than desire. It comes from knowing a person very well, and wanting to make them happy just because. You aren't trying to get anything from that kind of love.

You say you are in love with this girl, but I would say you are actually in love with love. You WANT a companion and a lover. You WANT your loneliness to end. Since you don't really know the girl, any emotions you place on her are misguided and foolish. You can't just go up to her after months of staring at her and say, "I love you, please be my girlfriend!" You have to become friends with her first. You have to control your desires, and respect her for an individual. An individual that might not want to have anything to do with you. And you have to be ready to accept that, before you even walk up to her. That means no unhealthy crushes.

Until all that you really WANT is for the girl to be happy, you do not truly love her.

Shynight's situation was much worse than yours. If I recall correctly, he met a girl online or something and they loved each other and he saved up money and drove down to visit her for a few weeks. She snubbed him and was (audibly) having sex with some redneck jackass while he was trying to sleep. He got legitimately screwed over. You ain't got nothin.

An update on that story: She married the redneck jackass, had a baby with him, and now he is in Iraq fighting to keep America safe. I know this because I still talk with her occasionally. And not to toot my own horn, but I got over that girl pretty quickly. Then I dated a girl who was still in high school; we had sex almost every day and it was great. We were together 3 months and then I broke up with her because she was too immature. The relationship was really doomed from the beginning, as she was what some people like to call a 'rebound' and sex was probably the glue that kept us together so long, more than I like to admit. It's one of the larger mistakes of my life. But we continued to be friends with benefits for months after that. And we are still friends to this day (without the benefits, sadly).

Recently I took a liking to a friend of a friend. (an older woman this time, if you were wondering) We've been talking often, and while I'm attracted to her and greatly admire her, I've wisely decided to:
1. refrain from inflating my feelings for this girl out of proportion
2. take things slow and develop a friendship first

Which is why I was shocked when she told me earlier today she wants to 'roleplay' with me. Nothing bad can come of that.

[sneaky ninja]

After reflecting on Buddhist teachings, I am more inclined to believe that romantic love (or desire) is the source of ALL suffering.

Dude, I've been saying that for years. Love is for suckers.

[Negative Polarity]

/me is tempted to break out into song with Tina Turner's "What's Love Got To Do With It?"

[Deacon]

Sneaky...

My heart! She is broken!

[Shyknight]

[quote="sneaky ninja";p="583983"]

After reflecting on Buddhist teachings, I am more inclined to believe that romantic love (or desire) is the source of ALL suffering.

Dude, I've been saying that for years. Love is for suckers.[/quote]

Note that I said, desire is the source of all suffering. That doesn't mean that suffering doesn't sometimes come with a great deal of pleasure and happiness. For example, the happiness newlyweds must feel. But this happiness, like all happiness really, is only temporary. Our instincts tell us to be afraid and unsatisfied with what we have.

Love is definetely not for everyone, though. No valentine for you this year, sneaky.

[Blackie]

As someone who jsut went on there first date tonight, (at 17 i know pathetic but shut it) i can tell you spontaneity is something to try... i have been spending all my time being afraid of asking someone out, and in my entire life aside form the wonderful girl i asked out last thursday (2 days ago) after not knowing hardly a single thing about her aside from her name... compared to the carefully thought out and planned asking of someone who i knew well or semi-well... spontaniety is way better...
JUST GO FOR IT! if they say no.. big deal get over it , not the end of the world. But if they say yes, try and sweep them off their feet, and not screw up too badly on the first date

[Arminius]

[quote="Shyknight";p="583956"]You have to become friends with her first. You have to control your desires, and respect her for an individual.[/quote]
NES, while I agree with Shynight's post as a whole, I just want to add a little comment about this passage. Control your desires, yes, respect her for an individual, absolutely. But be careful with the "friend" part. If you take too much time in the "friend phase", you will just stay "a good friend". She will come to you one day with that fucking sentence "You know Bob, I think you're really a good friend, but it won't go any further." At the opposite, do not take too many initiatives of she'll be scared like hell. I know all this is complicated but... *sigh* yeah it's complicated, face it. If she has feelings for you, you will eventually know it.

Just keep in mind that girls don't like drastic and sudden changes.

[quote="sneaky ninja";p="583983"]Dude, I've been saying that for years. Love is for suckers.[/quote]
Tss, do not listen to her man. The conception of "love" is different for everyone.