Amusing notes about Texas

Bigity · Post by **Bigity** » Fri Feb 17, 2006 4:12 pm

Rules to Enter Texas: Applies to each person as they enter Texas.
Learn & remember: East Coast and California-types pay particular attention!

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

3. They are cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like that to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-20 and I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.

4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.

10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante Sauce! Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... It AIN'T REAL CHILI!! Chili was born and bred in San Antonio.... and real chili never met a tomato!

12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

13. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.

15. Colleges? Try Texas Tech, Texas A&M or University of Texas. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.

16. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, than any other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas," If you do, you will get whipped by the best.

17. Always remember what our great governor Sam Houston once said:
"Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without Texas

Some of these made me laugh.

MasteR · Post by **MasteR** » Fri Feb 17, 2006 4:20 pm

Boy howdy.

Deacon · Post by **Deacon** » Fri Feb 17, 2006 4:22 pm

Haha! I like it

If only more of those were true...

XenoWolf · Post by **XenoWolf** » Fri Feb 17, 2006 4:23 pm

So wait, vegitarians eat sushi and caviar?

AzraeL · Post by **AzraeL** » Fri Feb 17, 2006 4:27 pm

Yuppies are yuppies...

Post by **Blaze** » Fri Feb 17, 2006 6:01 pm

Sounds like Michigan without Texas Tech, A&M, and U of T to me.

'cept our "Military Men" are all crazy, call themselves a militia, and hide in the woods most nights.

And here, if your $60,000 car wasn't made in America, it'll draw stares of hatred or worse.

StruckingFuggle · Post by **StruckingFuggle** » Fri Feb 17, 2006 6:04 pm

[quote="Blaze";p="606929"]And here, if your $60,000 car wasn't made in America, it'll draw stares of hatred or worse.[/quote]

Does anyone point out to those people that your BMWs and Subarus are about as "made in america" as Ford and Chevy are "made in Japan"? And if so, ooooh, what d othey say to that?

AzraeL · Post by **AzraeL** » Fri Feb 17, 2006 6:06 pm

Note to self: NEVER go to Michigan...

Sophira · Post by **Sophira** » Fri Feb 17, 2006 6:07 pm

Pfft. Only about 15% of that is true once you hit big city limits.

And all those college graduates loving God and country...well, I guess I graduated the wrong year. :S

Disclaimer: All statistics found in this post are 100% made-up.

Post by **Blaze** » Fri Feb 17, 2006 6:36 pm

Does anyone point out to those people that your BMWs and Subarus are about as "made in america" as Ford and Chevy are "made in Japan"? And if so, ooooh, what d othey say to that?

Huh?

Spongiform · Post by **Spongiform** » Fri Feb 17, 2006 6:52 pm

Pretty much any "japanese" or "german" cars you would buy here, are actually built, and in many cases designed, in the US.

Deacon · Post by **Deacon** » Fri Feb 17, 2006 7:43 pm

The Ford Mustang, for instance, is mostly composed of parts manufactured overseas.

StruckingFuggle · Post by **StruckingFuggle** » Fri Feb 17, 2006 8:21 pm

Yeah, what they said.

HTRN · Post by **HTRN** » Fri Feb 17, 2006 9:34 pm

After reading that, I can only come to one conclusion.

I'm a texan.

HTRN

mikehendo · Post by **mikehendo** » Fri Feb 17, 2006 9:54 pm

[quote="Bigity";p="606889"]
16. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, than any other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas," If you do, you will get whipped by the best.[/quote]
So, if we litter in Texas we will get attacked by the marines?
http://www.dontmesswithtexas.org/

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