advice-getting and keeping a girlfriend

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HTRN
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Re: advice-getting and keeping a girlfriend

Post by HTRN » Sun Mar 12, 2006 9:19 pm

[quote="kizba";p="616695"](Look I'm 17 weeks pregnant today! Do the math and see if you can figure out when the magic moment happened.)[/quote]

Well, we know where it happened - probably on a relatives bed..

You sicko's :D


As for "getting and keeping a girlfriend" I'm the last person to ask, but I would suggest useing NORMAL COLORS AND FONTS as a good start. Potential mates are often put off by eyestrain. :wink:


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Mae Dean
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Post by Mae Dean » Sun Mar 12, 2006 9:55 pm

I'm here to say, in no uncertain terms - becoming friends first is a bad, bad idea. I did it all throughout high school - I became their friends, tried to win them over that way first, and they then think of you as "safe". If you're interested in someone, let them know it. Don't fuck around in the "friend" zone hoping they somehow magically become interested in you in a non-friend way. Liz and I ALMOST fell into that trap. Well, I almost did - when I said "friend" on our first date, she later told me it disappointed her. But we managed to cut through that bullshit and realized we were far more interested in each other than that.

My dad always told me when someone I was interested in said "let's just be friends", I should say "I've got enough friends, thanks." You're not going to get the girl by being shy and sweet. Women SAY they look for that in a guy, but it's bullshit. That's how you lose out to another guy.

Above all, and this is the BEST advice I can give you - don't be desperate. Don't place all your hopes on one girl. SELF. FUCKING. CONFIDENCE. If they turn you down, fine. Their loss. Don't put yourself on the defensive right out of the gate... women aren't after that.

I know it's weird for me to be dispensing adive on a subject most people have trouble with, but I've found myself on both sides of the fence on this, so I have some pretty good perspective on it. It's weird - in high school, I couldn't find a girlfriend to save my life. Now that I'm married, I'm better with women than I've ever been. Thankfully, Liz knows I'm all hers. :)

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Kits
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Post by Kits » Sun Mar 12, 2006 10:31 pm

Tie her up. I hear duct tape does wonders for the relationship.
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Post by adciv » Sun Mar 12, 2006 11:21 pm

[quote="KitsuneMusume";p="616778"]Tie her up. I hear duct tape does wonders for the relationship.[/quote]

I forget, are you married? If not, what's your address in Atlanta? Hmm... I only have 6 rolls right now, I wonder if that's enough...

More on Greg's theme:
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Deacon
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Post by Deacon » Sun Mar 12, 2006 11:43 pm

Most "nice guys" are fooling themselves into thinking it's the girls' fault. Usually they're just spineless losers who would prefer to look to others for blame than to honestly evaluate themselves.
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Post by Negative Polarity » Sun Mar 12, 2006 11:58 pm

Exactly. Invite them to a party and win them over with your charm and terribly funky white-boy dance moves.
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Post by SevTiZ » Mon Mar 13, 2006 2:11 am

Going back to Greg: SELF-CONFIDENCE. Some guys express self-confidence by being cocky b*st*rds--@$$holes, in the rant that adciv linked. Or you could just be unashamed of who you are, flaunt your good qualities, and make fun of yourself with your bad qualities.

Oh, who am I kidding, I suck dealing with people face-to-face. I met kizba on LDSsingles.com, and charmed her AFTER she had expressed interest.
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Post by spurnedwarrior » Mon Mar 13, 2006 3:41 am

thanks for all the advice. it's really funny what some of the posts said, but they all helped!
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Post by Arminius » Mon Mar 13, 2006 6:20 am

[quote="Greg Dean";p="616768"]You're not going to get the girl by being shy and sweet. Women SAY they look for that in a guy, but it's bullshit. That's how you lose out to another guy.[/quote]
You know, I would say that you're right about this but only regarding high schools. Fortunatly, with time, the big loud-mouthed brute tend to become less popular with women and the "sweet and nice guy" gain the advantage.

However, I agree that being shy won't help. They think it's cute, but they become tired of this after a certain time. Only few of them may really like it, especially those who prefer guys who won't question their decisions or strange behavior.

[quote="Deacon";p="616795"]Most "nice guys" are fooling themselves into thinking it's the girls' fault. Usually they're just spineless losers who would prefer to look to others for blame than to honestly evaluate themselves.[/quote]
Wooo, relax, first maybe you should define your own meaning of "nice guy". Also, it's not the girl's fault if you can't date her, true. But it's HER fault if she's constantly complaining about the fuckers she dates.
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Post by naturesrevolt » Mon Mar 13, 2006 7:54 am

Like greg, I've had experince on both sides of this too, but unmarried (and lovin it). Main points of how to get women and keep them is to at the base, be funny, and cocky in how you talk to a woman. Examples abound if you think about it, but if you're confused on the cocky and funny routine, take a cocky comment and make it funny such as: "hey, those are massive heels, you must be a midget when not wearing them." to "wow, those are some tall heels, you must be like four feet without them (smile here)." it's kind of a weak example, but it works, provided you have enough confidence in the delivery, that's the main key to it all, confidence, without it, you're like the rest of the billions of stammering losers trying to hit on the same girl that's been hit on all the time with the same lines and ways of going for it.

Another key point is to be unique, the women hear the same stuff over and over (as stated above) so come in with something other then cheesy pickup lines and such A second example I can give is if a woman nics or nails your cart while at a shopping center. The really cocky thing to say is "Hey! Watch where you're going!" where if you want to lighten it up (alot) you can say something like "*turn toward her* Excuse me, but I'm going to need to see your liscence and insurance info for this cart on cart collision (smile here)". Typically said with a sly, humerious tone with a sly, half smile will do. A follow-up is to look in her cart and see what she's buying and pick out ordanary objects and find something humerious on what she could be using it for, if it's empty, ask "So what you shopping for?"

Another aspect is to plan, make plans for lots of situations that are most likely to happen (not any bad ones) this way you have something planned out for when you go up. The fears and attitudes, the worst that can happen is a "no" there's a RARE chance that a woman will flip out or something, but it's a VERY slim chance, so go in with the attitude that nothing erratic will happen and beleive in yourself that a good result will happen. The fear of rejection is a mighty fear but it can be conquered. How? with experince and putting your fears aside, walking up, and talking. It gets easier each time until it's a natural reaction.

One final key point on the humor side, innuendos are your friend, a humerious innuendo can be made of practicly any sentance and are good for a quick laugh or a small filler between thoughts or conversation subjects. This is mainly just to keep things going, and to create tension withing the person you're trying to pick up, or plain converse with if you're going out (try not to use the "date" word, it creates a negative mindset about things and can hinder your chances greatly)

Since this should be short and not pages of draft, I'll end it right around here with how to get an email adress and/or phone number to set something up. First off, whatever your conversation is about, try to make your first conversation short, only one to five min, this way it's very little time consuming, and you can get in, get what you want, and get out with her wanting more. Now, How to do this? it's simple, really, it is. First, always carry a pen and pad of paper with you when you go out, the situation where you want to meet someone can come up anywhere. So keep it on you. Now, the simple and most effective way I've found so far is to simply go "hey, do you have email?" if (and probably when) she answers "yes" say "well, write it down" and offer the pen and paper. now, when she's writing it down (and take notice) when she's making the at (this symbol @) ask that she writes her name and phone number down too. This will give you oppurtune to get those items from her as well, which is really handy, because now you know her name and it's written down. Now, if she refuses to give up her email or phone number, a good reply would be "Hey, it'll be ok, just write it down, I don't bite." if she refuses a second time, you can try again, but I really wouldn't push it like that. Now, the old "well write your number down first" routine, this is a little test they want to play to see how willing to submit to their rule you are, reverse it back on them with something like "hey, that trick won't work on me, you give me your (email or phone number) first, and point to the pen and paper. Now that you have all the info you want, leave, don't linger, or it'll do more damage then you think. The final note, "what you did to get her, is what you should do to keep her." this is a tried and true method to keep a girlfriend around.
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EDIT, READ IF CONFUSED: I'm a scatterbrain of ideas and usually just splurge them out all over the place, if this doesn't make sense to you, read it through onece, then re-read it, this way you can probably get the meaning of what I'm saying, if you still don';t get something, PM or dump a post on here, i'll give explanation. :)
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Post by Fox_Spy » Mon Mar 13, 2006 8:11 am

[quote="Greg Dean";p="616768"]Above all, and this is the BEST advice I can give you - don't be desperate. Don't place all your hopes on one girl. SELF. FUCKING. CONFIDENCE. If they turn you down, fine. Their loss. Don't put yourself on the defensive right out of the gate... women aren't after that.

I know it's weird for me to be dispensing adive on a subject most people have trouble with, but I've found myself on both sides of the fence on this, so I have some pretty good perspective on it. It's weird - in high school, I couldn't find a girlfriend to save my life. Now that I'm married, I'm better with women than I've ever been. Thankfully, Liz knows I'm all hers. :)[/quote]

I've noticed that since I've been dating my girlfriend for over 5 years now that I've not only got more self-confidence than I did when I started, I am also much better with women. Now if only it wasn't high schoolers who are asking me out and to the prom. I need this semester to end so I can start my new job.
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Rorschach
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Post by Rorschach » Mon Mar 13, 2006 8:38 am

Luck with women eh? I've awlays found sweeping generalisations to be the way to go.
Women, after all, are all the same.
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Arminius
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Post by Arminius » Mon Mar 13, 2006 9:10 am

Yes, all insane. Even the sane one are insane.
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Post by Lizzegirle » Mon Mar 13, 2006 10:41 am

Ok, from a woman's perspective.

Not all women are the same, but generally we all fall for the same stuff. Of course, if a woman isn't interested in you, then there isn't anything in the world you can do to change that.

Women want to feel like they are being romanced. We don't want to have to work for a relationship beginning. This might be because we usually have really low self-confidence as well. So the best thing you can do is to just ask her out. If you make the first move, then you will get a direct answer. If she says yes, then you are in. If she says no, then you atleast know its not going to happen and you can find someone else. If at that point you decide you want to be friends with her, then thats fine. Just don't expect anything to happen. Its not going to unless you ask her.

Now, us girls usually like some kind of creativity. It might sound sappy, but we usually like to feel special. So perhaps send her some fowers with a note attached asking her out. Then in a day or so, (if she hasn't already called you) call her up and ask if she got your flowers and if she would be willing to go to dinner with you one night. If she is interested in you, then she will feel great and will be excited to go out with you. If she isn't interested, then she has some pretty flowers and no free dinner for Saturday! :lol:

Most women don't like the games. We want you to just come out and ask. Why? Well we are just as unsure about you being interested in us as you are about us being interested in you. So if you make the first move, that lets us know that you are interested. (Flirting doesn't cut it anymore since there are so many flirtacious people out there that like to lead people on.)

Someone earlier said that you should be cocky. Well, I don't think that'll work. (I HATE cocky people.) Just be confident when asking. If there is a mutual attraction, it'll happen. If not, then go try these things out on some other girl. :D
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Post by Rorschach » Mon Mar 13, 2006 11:00 am

In other words:
If you're trying to pull Liz, then that's how to do it. I'd advise against it though, Greg's got all sorts of swords.

There is no magic formula available online to guarantee success with women. If that were the case then t'internet would have folded not long after it began.

What you will find here is anecdotal suggestions, other peoples' experience, how they would go about wooing a lady. And most of that is going to be worthless.
What are you to do if every single RLF female claims that they're only turned on by diminutive Scots? (As is likely) Change yourself?

Find the right woman to suit your personality. Not the right personality to suit a woman.
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