My friend has issues

[Demonwolf]

I have a friend who loves being a victim. She is a drama queen and absolutely loves bitching about her life. She likes hating her life and pretending she has no control because it is much, much easier than actually trying to make any improvement. She complains about things that have absolutely no relevance or significance whatsoever- the other day, she cried because it was taking her too long to organize her collections of various trading cards so she could sell them on ebay. She trusts me because I listen to her, which is a situation I end up in often because I'm good at listening and good at being understanding of people who are probably not worth it. Yesterday was the first time I tried to tell her, in the most tactful way I could manage, that she needs to stop complaining about how much she hates herself and the rest of the universe, because doing so does not make her a better or even a more sympathetic person.

Of course, the first time I try to say that I don't think it's a good idea that she be so depressive and self-destructive, her response is roughly 'Oh yeah, I should just be happy all the time, 'cause it's so going to bring (insert name of person in her life who died) back to life'. She apologized for snapping at me immediately after, but she insists on sweeping it under the rug. Any time I try and tell her it's not wise to let herself be a victim simply for the sake of validating her own existence, she reacts with 'meh's and 'I'll try's. But of course, despite the fact that she doesn't really want to solve her problems in any meaningful way (I've witnessed this story a million different times with a million different people- nothing pisses me off more than people being sickeningly satisfied with their own misery, using their victimhood to validate their existence, even at the expense of people who are unfortunate enough to care about or be related to them). She wants to persist in bitching about her life to me since I'm one of if not the only person who will listen to her.

Yes, I know she's toxic, which is why I'm trying to avoid spending too much time with her, and yes, I know I shouldn't try and fix her life for her, and that I have no right to tell her how to live it. I'm not. I'm not going to bring it up again, because it's not my job to be her therapist. I'm just venting right now, because denial, complacency, apathy and self-righteousness are all things that make me very, very angry.

[Skorpion]

Shout at her to shut the hell up and start doing something. Do it every time she whines, and she will either stop whining period, or take it elsewhere.

[Yira Heerai]

Don't take it. That's all you need to do. I have a friend that does that. Admittedly, she has every reason to as her life is as shitty as they can get, I swear.

Just ask her if she's going to do anything about it. If she brushes it off, tell her to stop complaining. No one's going to change it unless she does and no one wants to listen to it. Suck it up and take it like a man sort of thing.

[coyote blue]

I know someone who was divorced 4 - 5 yrs ago, and he still cries about it. Still won't let go of that fact. So he lives off of others, hasn't worked a day, and is continually looking for pitty. He even went as far as telling people she commited suicide rather then let people think he failed as a husband and she left him.
It doesn't get anyone far to live like that. If you start distancing yourself, she might get the idea. If being gentle to her about it doesn't work, be straight forward. Tell her you are her friend, and will be there for her when she needs it. But that she needs to actually want to be better, want to live happy. Maybe even suggest professional help.
Good luck, hate to see someone lose a friend over something like this.