Well wishing / Prayer Line

[BusteeQT]

If it helps any Spike, my dad just has his gall bladder taken out a little over a month ago. He went in for surgery at like 8 am and was home by lunch time. He was back to work less than a week later. He's doing great now, though some foods still give him a few problems. Sending your friend some good vibes

[Lizzegirle]

Both of my parents have had their gall bladder taken out. They were both pretty simple surgeries. It was during my father's that they discovered that he had colon cancer though.

[BigGunn]

i had my gall bladder out a little over 9 years ago. The surgery and pain afterward was nothing compared to the pain the sucker was causing me before it was out.

[Tigger]

I second BigGunn. Mine wasn't causing me pain until just before, but it was definitely causing issues. Having had it taken out, the issues are less. It was my first surgery (which I was seriously dreading and anticipated all SORTS of pain) and it was easy enough that I'm willing to have surgery again, if need be.

[BigGunn]

I've had 3 surgeries thus far in my 29 years.

But yeah, I was having extreme pain from the gall bladder attacks. Lost like 80 pounds over the course of about 4 months cause as soon as I'd eat, it would flair up, then my recent meal went bye-bye. Was hospitalized for several days till they figured out that's what it was. Kept me doped up on Demerol. I could still feel the pain, but didn't care. Needless to say I was glad to have that bastard out.

[Tigger]

I still have that problem - express lane when eating out. Got a solution? They told me it might happen for about 6 months after I had it removed until my body got used to it...but it's been one year and one week.

[BigGunn]

Strange, I never had that problem again after the sucker was out.

[Tigger]

Please keep my mother in your prayers.

She has cancer again, which I'm certain I've posted about. They are unable to find WHERE the cancer is, but they know she has it. She's been doing chemo treatments again since October. At her most recent treatment, which was the day after Christmas, she had a reaction to the chemo - eyes burning, difficulty breathing, nausea, etc. They gave her benadryl and she felt better. She really hasn't recovered well from this treatment, though - she's been very, very tired and just not feeling well.

Today I received a call from dad's cell phone - which usually indicates "not good news". It was my mother and she wanted to let me know that they were on the way to the hospital where she gets her treatments - about 60 miles from them. She said she wasn't feeling well at all and that her head was being weird. I called dad when I got the message and apparently her eyes are dilated, her head feels full of pressure (like it's in a vice or her brain is too big) and when she walks the world pulses. When she got to the hospital her b/p was 150...half hour later it was 141, but still high. They're running blood/urine tests, as well as a head scan.

I'm really really worried. Please...please pray for her. I will update as I know things.

[ampersand]

Ooh.

Not good.

My problem is that my father, who has had intestinal cancer has learned that it's back again. He decided that instead of going through treatment again---for a lot of reasons, but primarily he can't pay for it anymore---he's decided just to let the cancer 'take its course.' To that end, I'm moving back home after New Year's to help with my mother. I don't know how long my dad has to live. Maybe a year or two? He may be gone in six months or less.

I really don't know how to deal with this. My father and I never had a good relationship, and going back now will just make it worse. The real sad part is that I don't feel like I'll be mourning when the day comes and he's no longer here. I'm unnerved that I feel this way. I'm not sure what I should do, if anything.

[Tigger]

I wasn't sure mom would do treatment this time. This is the third time in four years for her - breast once, ovarian twice. She decided to, though, for reasons really known only to her. Thankfully we've always had a good relationship, so I don't have that to worry about. I'm also the most practical and logical of the family, so am better equipped to deal with this kind of thing. My sister just flat refuses to talk about it, my brother is a wreck. I'm the only one who calls mom every day to check on her, see how she's doing. Dad is...slowly coming to grips with it, I think. He, however, is absolutely hopeless in an emergency, which means that when she does die everything is going to fall on my shoulders.

It's hard to deal with until you have to. I'm "lucky" in that I've already been through this scare with her before. In some ways it's harder, because I know that it could very well be the end this time - it's much different than before. In other ways, not so bad. You'll deal with it when the time comes and for now, you'll do what you have to do...just like me. I'm fairly certain that I will be an absolute wreck AFTER she dies, but in the meantime there are things that need to be done, plans that have to be made, a life that has to be lived. Do what needs doing, deal with the consequences later. If I were you, though, I'd try to patch things up with your dad. At least make an effort - that's all you can do, and you'll know that you tried.

My mother called me back a little while ago. They checked her blood and did a head scan and found nothing. Her bp is up, like I mentioned before, but other than that everything appears ok. From listening to her describe it more to me, it sounds like she has a really bad migraine. My mother never had a headache, period, until she started therapies. Now she sometimes gets a small one, but nothing like this, so she wouldn't know if she had one. My poor mommy - she says she thinks the treatment is going to kill her before the cancer does.

[Tigger]

I have an update on my mother and it's not a good one.

She was supposed to have a chemo treatment again yesterday but ended up not having it. She had had a CAT scan done on Tuesday to see if all the fluid in her abdomen was going away. Instead, they found the cancer...finally. It's in her liver. There's nothing they can do, really. The chemo isn't working so she refuses to do it any more. The docs also did an MRI of her brain because she couldn't pass the coordination tests they gave her and they think it may be in her brain as well. This is what they originally suspected was happening, but the tumors weren't big enough to see. This is also the pattern her own mother followed.

My parents were supposed to take a trip in May to go back to the East coast and see all of mom's family, as well as stop a few places along the way that they've always wanted to go. It looks like they'll be stepping up the trip until April, possibly sooner. I am a wreck. I have been ordered to stay in school for now, and if she really isn't going to survive the semester then I can take bereavement leave from school. One of my professors has already volunteered to help me with that when I told her what was going on at the beginning of the semester.

I...I...words fail me. Please keep my parents and siblings in your thoughts and prayers over the next few months as we wait this out. I will post updates as I have them, just in case anyone reads this thread anymore.

[ampersand]

Tigger,

Might I suggest something that was mentioned in the book Seven Habits of Effective People? The author, Dr. Covey, mentioned that one his wife's closest friends would write out letters and make recorded tapes that she instructed to have given to her children at certain points in their lives after she would die from some form of cancer. It was a way to keep herself going knowing that the end was soon to come. I have helped record and gather the thoughts of my Grandfather to keep him occupied while he endured the loneliness of being an old man living alone for the last ten years of his life. We talked about the history of the family, every person he knew, tried to research as much as we could about where we might have come from. We even found out we might have someone who came on the Mayflower.

Perhaps, you should start each day writing a letter to your mother, every day. Make sure she gets it, and I'd make it a handwritten letter. Tell her everything about what happened to you, pour out your feelings and maybe even talk about what you're learning with your degree. Say something specific with an eye towards giving her a chance to experience what you are doing, what you are accomplishing, and what she has done to help you be who you are. More importantly, it will keep you from turning into a wreck and allows you to focus on what needs to be done, and perhaps allows her to look forward to getting that letter. If you can't write, put it on tape. I think there was this movie with Michael Keaton that did something like that for Keaton's character who was terminally ill. E-mail her if you must. I'm not suggesting this for her, as she sounds like she's a fairly strong woman, but for you, so that you find a way to get through each day, one day at a time. Maybe through these writings you'll find something that you will be passionate about doing so that you can channelize your love for your mother into something golden.

I'm praying that either there's a miracle for your mother, or at the very least, her death is a happy one and she leaves this world in peace. I'm also praying that you find a way through the storm, with your head up high and you find a purpose within this maddening life we live.

Yours,



Andrew

P.S. With regards to my father and myself. I've tried patching things up, and I have made no progress. I'll continue to try, as I try to figure out what, at his point, would be enough to at least get him to speaking with me again. Alas, with my sister leaving, he --- as well as my mother --- are more angry at her than at me at the moment, mostly because he may never see his granddaughter ever again. I have convinced him to try going to the local VA hospital and see if they might be able to do anything for him. It won't cost as much and maybe he'll live a few more years. I'm glad that he's changed his mind and will try to fight this damned disease instead of acting like it's not worth the trouble of living.

[Tigger]

Took me a while to find this thread, but I figured this was the best place to post this update.

Mom died yesterday at 11:52 a.m. with Dad by her side. It's been 14 months since she was diagnosed the last time and she lasted a lot longer than they thought she would. The viewing is Sunday evening, the funeral is Monday, and the burial is Wednesday.

At long last, the battle is over. Mom is at peace, and we can all begin trying to put our lives back together. Thank you to those who kept us in your prayers over this past year or so. They were much appreciated.

[Hirschof]

My thoughts and best wishes are with you and your family.

Sorry Tigger.

[ampersand]

My condolences, Tigger. May you find some peace and serenity in retrospect about your mother's life and what you can take from it into your own life. (Then tell your crazy sister to go sod off.)