Driving myself crazy

Shyknight · Post by **Shyknight** » Mon Sep 08, 2003 8:55 pm

So fall comes around and it's time for this young man to go off on his own into the world of college! Since my college is only 45 minutes from my house, I drive myself there everyday. Why does this bother me, you ask?

I'm a bad driver. Make that a REALLY bad driver. They need bumper stickers for people like me that say "danger: stupid driver". Even driving around town at 20mph, I get nervous thinking I might dent somebody's mustang and have to pay for the damages, and get my license taken away or something.

I do not know the meaning of the word 'coast'. Always pressed down is one or the other, the gas pedal or the brake pedal. When I'm slowing down for a turn, I always misjudge the distance and don't start slowing down soon enough, and as a result I have to REALLY brake when I get to the turn and that not only scares the shit out of the people behind me (i always use turn signals, dammit!) but also probably wears out my brakes much faster than a normal person would.

So, the street I live on is directly connected to highway 2, which is a two-lane highway going towards Rockford. I mean, a country two-lane highway surrounded by trees and with a river on one side, with really curvy roads and really narrow lanes. Lanes so narrow that if both you and the oncoming car were just *slightly* out of your lane... BOOM! And 10 people die. But it never happens. I've seen a lot of close calls though, none of them my fault. So naturally, I'm stressed out driving on this road for half an hour. I would turn on the radio to ease my nerves, but looking for the on button might cause an accident.

So then I gotta turn off of 2 and get onto 20, which is an interstate highway I think. Anyways I do the whole merging thing, and get into 80mph traffic in the left lane, and 60mph traffic in the right lane. 60 seems too slow, but 80 seems too fast. I wanna go 70. But I can't, 'cause all these cars are in the way, zigging and zagging and changing lanes and threatening to crush me with their scary metal things.

So after a very fast but brief trip on the freeway, I take my exit into Rockford and I'm driving along the busy road, a close but courteous distance from the car in front of me, and all of a sudden the guy behind me SLAMS on the brakes and just barely misses the rear end of my car by swerving to the left.

I turn my head around to see if he's alright (i didn't hear a crashing sound) but I *have* to keep going because the cars behind me are in a hurry. Then I fail to notice, the lane I am in is closed for construction ahead! I have to merge into the right lane but it's TOO FRICKIN LATE. So I"m stuck there wedged between a constant flow of cars, and some orange cones. And for a long time nobody wanted to let me in, but a few people said some stuff to me as they passed. I couldn't make out what they said, and I dont' think I really wanted to.

So, now I've finally survived the death-defying trip in my metal beast, navigated through the crazy parking lot for the absolute WORST parking space ever, made the long walk to the campus buildings. By now, I am stressed out, hyperventilating, sweating, exhausted... and it's TIME TO GO TO FRICKIN CLASS!!!!

Then after classes are over, DO IT AGAIN! Do it every day!! For the rest of your life!!! Until you go bald and your hair turns gray and you are up to your eyeballs in debt, with 1.5 kids and a wife who doesn't understand you. Am I overreacting here, people?

Am I the only one who notices the inherent peril in taking these fangled contraptions at insane speeds down narrow strips of concrete, with nothing but yellow paint seperating us from certain death? When you read that car accidents are the #1 cause of unnatural death in America, how can you not be frickin' terrified?

Am I the only one who has to concentrate SO HARD just to maintain focus and stay in my lane, constantly making little minute turns of the wheel, as your eyes dart from windshield to rearview mirror to side mirror to windshield to spedometer to gas gauge to... and while all of this is going on you're thinking PLEASE God don't let those other cars hit me. You want to stop and rest from the stress of it all, but if you lose your concentration even for a moment you could DIE. So you keep driving to your destination, as if nothing in the world is wrong. The primate instincts in you scream DANGER WILL ROBINSON. GET OUT OF THE FUCKING CAR. but you don't listen.

So today I was low on gas, and had no cash on me to fill it up. Being a daring fellow, I tried to make it home. I got RIGHT to my street, where I have to make a left turn off of highway 2. And THAT'S when my car stalled and stopped, right there on a 2-lane highway. I couldn't move it, couldn't start it, the fucking thing is SMOKING, I think it's going to explode and I'm going to die, or that a car will fail to stop behind me and the domino effect will destroy 5 cars and I will be blamed.

Frantically I try to figure out how the fuck my 4-way flashers turn on, and once I get them on I jump out of the car and wave the cars to go around me, on a 2-LANE FUCKING HIGHWAY!!! I'm putting everybody in danger at this point. My car is still SMOKING and I don't know why. A couple guys volunteer to push the car off the highway and onto my street for me. So nobody died... we were lucky. Those guys probably weren't even being nice... they were probably just taking care of business 'cause they didn't even let me thank them, they were running back to their cars like their lives depended on it... I was merely an annoyance to them, a foolish adolescent needing to be brushed aside, a clog in the busy arteries of society.

So then my dad helps me get some gas into the car, and has me go get some more from the station up the road. But the thing is, he has MOVED my frickin' seat. Now that the steering wheel is a different distance from my arms, I have to learn how to turn ALL OVER AGAIN. And I'm hot, sweaty, I smell like the frickin' smoke from my car, and wondering how the heck people decide which gas pumps to go to at gas stations, then wondering how I can tell when the gas tank is 'full' and this thing goes THUNK! and scares the crap out of me when it stops pumping automatically. So I go in there and pay for the gas with a look in my eyes like I'm going on an African Safari. And now I'm home, resting and drinking a pop. THE END.

Have any of you ever felt this way?

Post by **Martin Blank** » Mon Sep 08, 2003 9:02 pm

Shy... Did you ever get your license?

You should seriously look into some classes. Depending on your location, there may be some near race tracks that will teach you proper handling in something small like a Neon, and gradually move you to something with more power (some of them top out with a dry slalom in a Viper). They're gentle, kind, and they've seen worse than you -- really, they have.

Skorpion · Post by **Skorpion** » Mon Sep 08, 2003 10:03 pm

Now THAT is why I cycle everywhere. I fit in between cars, and I don't use roads half the time.
Footpaths rule.

Jamie Bond · Post by **Jamie Bond** » Mon Sep 08, 2003 10:03 pm

I liked the part at the end where you drank a pop!
Seriously... not sure what to tell ya.

I tend to avoid driving whenever possible actually. If I were in your situation I would live on campus and bring my bike with me

Shyknight · Post by **Shyknight** » Mon Sep 08, 2003 10:10 pm

No such luck. The campus has no dorms. And I can't really afford to get my own apartment just yet.

"I liked the part at the end where you drank a pop!"

Yeah, that's my favorite part too. It was a vanilla pepsi.

dolphincheddar · Post by **dolphincheddar** » Mon Sep 08, 2003 11:22 pm

Way to make me feel better about starting driving lessons this year, Shy. That li'l green car scares me to death.
Seriously, though, I have no comfort to offer you, but I liked the part at the end, as well. It's always nice to have a nice cool soft drink (pop, soda, Smaointe, Coke, Pepsi, whatever) after defying death.
And can't you just move the seat back to a comfortable position?

Sola · Post by **Sola** » Mon Sep 08, 2003 11:54 pm

Ever consider public transportation as an option?

sneaky ninja · Post by **sneaky ninja** » Mon Sep 08, 2003 11:56 pm

dolphincheddar, driving lessons aren't so bad. I learned how to drive this summer, and usually the instructors are really nice. Like Martin said, they HAVE seen worse. Plus, they usually have a brake on the passenger side, so no worries....they'll stop you if you get out of control

And shyknight, it's all about confidence. One of the most important things I learned is that if you don't trust yourself, you won't make it. Ignore your fears and just keep going. Or....Be one with the car!

billf · Post by **billf** » Tue Sep 09, 2003 12:04 am

I'm nearly 23 years old and I still don't drive because I'm afraid to. I have poor eyesight, yet I refuse to wear glasses, but most of all I have the attention span of a cookie. I have a difficult time rollerblading great distances without starting to space out, only the sudden bumps in the sidewalk are what keep me paying attention. It's the same reason I don't own a bike anymore. I used to ride everywhere, but then I started going further and finding it more and more difficult to pay attention to where I was going and what I was doing the further I went. I'd hate to see what I'd get myself into the first time I tried to drive to the nearest shopping mall.

Anwaerme · Post by **Anwaerme** » Tue Sep 09, 2003 12:11 am

Don't feel bad I can't drive very well either but I haven't had my licence that long either but I'm learning. I get nervous a lot too and that doesn't help me at all.

Post by **Martin Blank** » Tue Sep 09, 2003 12:20 am

Would it be evil if Shy visited SoCal for me to take him for a ride in the Camaro?

Post by **Blaze** » Tue Sep 09, 2003 12:43 am

Nah, not Evil Martin.

Well, you'd have to take him somewhere other than Togo's and the mall and the game store. Driving there didn't produce exactly..... exciting results.

Take him out to an abandoned part of the Pacific Coast Highway. That ought to do it.

Post by **Martin Blank** » Tue Sep 09, 2003 1:11 am

There is no abandoned part of PCH, and it is, for the most part, far too crowded and curvy.

Post by **Blaze** » Tue Sep 09, 2003 1:14 am

That's why you scout out with your rifle ahead of time and FORCIBLY abandon part of it.

Shyknight · Post by **Shyknight** » Tue Sep 09, 2003 2:38 am

An adventure in SoCal... sounds fun. I wish my schedule allowed for it.

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