The Thread Dedicated to the Lamest Jokes in the World.

Idiot'sPride · Post by **Idiot'sPride** » Sun Nov 02, 2003 2:40 pm

Our CompSci teacher tells awful jokes at the end of every class. Mos recently, we got:
How did the ghost fix the tear in his sheet?
With a pumpkin patch!

Nanosphere · Post by **Nanosphere** » Sun Nov 02, 2003 3:37 pm

Strange things are done to be number one

In selling the computer
IBM has their strategem
Which steadily grows acuter,
And Honeywell competes like Hell,
But the story's missing link
Is the system old at Stonemenge sold
By the firm of Druids, Inc.

The Druids were entrepreneurs,
And they built a granite box
It tracked the moon, warned of monsoons,
And forecast the equinox
Their price was right, their future bright,
The prototype was sold;
From Stonehenge site their bits and byte
Would ship for Celtic gold.

The movers came to crate the frame;
It weighed a million ton!
The traffic folk thought it a joke
(the wagon wheels just spun);
"They'll nay sell that," the foreman spat,
"Just leave the wild weeds grow;
"It's Druid-kind, over-designed,
"And belly up they'll go."

A warning from the ages;
Your stock will slip if you can't ship
What's in your brochure's pages.
See if it sells without the bells
And strings that ring and quiver;
Druid repute went down the chute
Because they couldn't deliver.

-- Edward C. McManus, "The Computer at Stonehenge"

P.S. Not really a joke, nor lame, but I felt like sharing it.

Infin8Cyn · Post by **Infin8Cyn** » Sun Nov 02, 2003 5:18 pm

What's fuzzy and green and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you?

A Pool Table.

Why'd the boy fall off his bicycle?

Because someone threw a refrigerator at him.

Phoenix Talon · Post by **Phoenix Talon** » Sun Nov 02, 2003 6:42 pm

What's Black and white and red all over? (Another Christian/Catholic offence joke!)

A nun falling down the stairs!

Another! What did the Tick say to the Clock?

Tick TOCK!

Horrible, horrible jokes. I got the first one from my friend who used it as a riddle in a gaming session. A very BAD gaming session :-/

AuroraMystic · Post by **AuroraMystic** » Sun Nov 02, 2003 10:17 pm

Q: What do you call a frog who hops from bed to bed?

A: a prostitoad

grandjoke · Post by **grandjoke** » Sun Nov 02, 2003 10:53 pm

O: what's black and white and red all over?
A: a panda that got shot in the face

Q: why did the mail man die?
A: because there was a banana spider in the mail box

Q:how do you stop a rhino from charging?
A:take away its credit card (groan)

Q: how many punks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 4. 1 to change the bulb, one to kick out the ladder, one to say how punk rock that was and one to say "STFU, mike!"

Q: what do you call a punk without a girlfriend?
A: homeless

Q: how many goths does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 100. 1 to change the bulb and 99 to slit their wrists with the shards

i wanna die in my sleep like my grandpa. not screaming like the other people in the bus he was driving

elturcin · Post by **elturcin** » Sun Nov 02, 2003 10:57 pm

"Never hold your farts. They travel up your spine, up to your brains, and that?s where you get shitty ideas from."

dolphincheddar · Post by **dolphincheddar** » Mon Nov 03, 2003 12:04 am

What's green, long, and lives in a trunk?

An elephant booger.

I like pie · Post by **I like pie** » Mon Nov 03, 2003 4:59 am

that ham bush one made me laugh pretty good

a potato pilot... silly, but still funny

am i the only one who likes these "bad" jokes? =/

grandjoke · Post by **grandjoke** » Mon Nov 03, 2003 5:49 am

yes. yes you are

tannii · Post by **tannii** » Mon Nov 03, 2003 6:43 am

No he isn't. I'm enjoying them thoroughly =D.

grandjoke · Post by **grandjoke** » Mon Nov 03, 2003 6:58 am

oh. okay then. lame jokes for all to enjoy!

sneaky ninja · Post by **sneaky ninja** » Mon Nov 03, 2003 7:08 am

I don't get the potato pilot one.

Actually...I don't get a lot of them

Shyknight · Post by **Shyknight** » Mon Nov 03, 2003 7:11 am

sneaky ninja: The reason why they can sometimes be funny without really making any sense is because there's nothing to get, and people expecting a true punchline are thrown off guard by the absurdity of it. Being surprised by silly things = funny!

sneaky ninja · Post by **sneaky ninja** » Mon Nov 03, 2003 7:17 am

Yeah, I got THAT part, but I thought with the potato joke, I was just missing something. With me, jokes usually take a while to sink in. Someone told me joke once, and I didn't get it for a whole 24 hours later. I'm just THAT slow

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