The Thread Dedicated to the Lamest Jokes in the World.

[JudgeMental]

OK, two jokes that were made up after at least twenty four hours of non-sleep, constant activity, and sugar highs.

What do you get when you cross a pig with a cow?

Bacon milk.


So, there are these three pigs in a bathtub. One says to the other, "Hey! Wouldja pass the soap?" The second one says, "Whaddya think I am, a refridgerator?!?"


I take the prize for lamest jokes!!!

[I like pie]

i really should not be laughing at those =/

[siriansenemy]

Okay: got a couple.

This one pokes fun at my denomination of Christianity:
How many Lutherans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Lutherans? Change?

A cowboy is caught by a group of Indians. Before putting him to death, the chief says: "Before you die, you may have three wishes. After you last wish, we will kill you." So, the cowboy walks up to his horse, whispers in its ear, and it rides off. The next day, it comes back with a beautiful redhead. The cowboy takes her aside and has his way with her. The chief says: "Hmm. Very good wish. You have two left." Again, the cowboy goes to his horse, whispers, it rides off, and returns the next day with a beautiful blonde. The cowboy takes her aside and has his way with her. The chief says: "Another good wish. Choose wisely, you have only one wish left." For the final time, the cowboy whispers to his horse, it rides off, and comes back this time with a beautiful brunette on it. The cowboy takes her aside and has his way with her. Finally, the chief says: "You have used all your wishes. We shall kill you now." The cowboy whispers to his horse: "I said posse! Posse!"

[Mo0]

That's just plain WRONG...

and yet so funny.

[KaneTheMediocre]

don't take these rocks for granite.

Q: whats long, green, and has wheels?
A: Grass. I lied about the wheels.

[Rorschach]

A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre
So the barman gives her one

[The Forum Hillbilly]

Q:What did the fast tomatoe say to the slow tomatoe?

A:Ketchup

[SeaniusMaximus]

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in front of your door?
matt

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?
Russell

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?
Bob

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?
Art

ok...i'm done.

[amlthrawn]

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says to him, "Hey, you know what? I have a drink named after you!"

The grasshopper looks at him and says, "You named a drink Steve?"

This joke makes a lot more sense after Dreamer corrected me.

[SevTiZ]

Seanius Maximus: Not too bad

But for REALLY horrible jokes, there's always Weird Al's "Party At the Leper Colony", based on these and other terrible jokes:

What do they serve at a leper colony?
finger food

Is living at a leper colony expensive?
yes, it costs an arm and a leg

What did the MC say after the band played for the lepers?
"Let's give 'em a hand!"

What's a leper's favorite Kenny Loggins song?
Footloose

What do you say to a quiet leper?
"What's the matter, cat got your tongue?"

How was the leper army conquered?
The enemy disarmed them, and they were defeated (de-feet-ed)

What do you call a leper in a hot tub?
Stu

What do you say to a leper with a bad attitude?
"Don't give me none of your lip!"

How did the guy know the leper girl found him attractive?
She had her eye on him

...........................

And thus it came to pass that this thread was pw|\|3d by Weird Al

[Eihger]

Two muffins are cooking in an oven one says to the other

"Is it hot in here, or is it just me?" The other one says
"Hey look a talking muffin."

And Eihger takes the gold on lame jokes

[Nosefoot]

Q: What is the problem with vacuums?
A: They suck.

A variation of a joke posted earlier...
Q: When you're riding down on your jet ski and it loses its wheel, how many pancakes does it take to roof your dog's house?
A: Purple, because the ice cream has no bones.


Two penguins are floating southward past New York city on an ice berg that broke off of the North Pole. One of them points to the Statue of Liberty and says "Look! RADIO!"

[Eihger]

and I'm wrong

[chaos42]

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Interupting Cow
Interupting Co...
MOO!

Here is one my stepson used to tell when he was four:

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Orange
Orange Who?
Orange Peach

followed by him laughing hysterically....

[Fenix23]

Ok here's the long list of all my LAME jokes.

how do you catch a Unique Rabbit?
You Neek up on it!

What about a Tame Rabbit?
Tame way.

Ask me if I'm an orange
Are you an Orange??
No.

What's Red Orange and looks good on Hippies?
Fire.

(Offensive to Christians)
What is the difference between Jesus and a Painting?
A Painting only takes ONE nail to hang

How do you keep a hippie from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.

How do you milk a Coconut?
Use a very low stool.

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground Beef

What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn't matter, he's not going to come over to you

Why don't blind people skydive?
Scares the hell out of their dogs.

How many hippies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them at it.

How many Sorority Chicks does it take to change a lightbulb?
6. 1 to do it, and the other 5 to make a T-shirt about it. (college kids will get this)

How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but the lightbulb has to want to change.

And Finally...
What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like Hell, she's got a grenade in her mouth!