Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

[Garr_The_Sane]

Throughout history many has tried to answer the great question of:
"Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?"

Plato: For the greater good.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DEAD, DEAD!

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take

Douglas Adams: Forty-two.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

Oliver North: National Security was at stake.

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free while.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road," and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an Herculean achievement formerly relegated to homosapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.

Salvador Dali: The Fish.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Epicurus: For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Jack Nicholson: Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What Road?

Ronald Reagan: I don't recall. What was the question?

John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

A Canadian civil servant: Thank you for your recent inquiry requesting to be informed as to the reason for which the chicken crossed the road. Your question will be brought to the attention of the Minister as soon as possible; however, in light of recent constraints on the department's ability to initiate new investigation of a potentially open-ended nature, and given the fact that you letter identifies neither the nationality of the bird in question, nor the exact location of the thoroughfare transversed, which may necessitate its routing to Foreign Affairs and/or to the Federal-Provincial Relations Branch (currently undergoing a wide-ranging reorganization) for further processing, a swift response cannot be assured at this point in time.

[NotQuiteDead]

Hans Blix--"To look for more weapons of mass destruction, of which we have not yet found....."

[furre]

These chickenwings are good...
/me continues eating

[Ashen]

The last one is almost too true to be funny!

[Leeloo]

[quote="Garr_The_Sane";p="213320"]
Douglas Adams: Forty-two.
[/quote]

[SevTiZ]

The Knights of the Dinner Table:
B.A.: A small, plump bird, with wings that would clearly be ineffective for letting it fly, approaches you from across the highway.
Bob: HOODY-FRICKIN'-HOO! I waste it with my crossbow!
Dave: I charge at it with my +12 HackMaster!
Brian: Fireball comin' online, B.A.
Sarah: Uh, guys, don't you think we should find out WHY it's approaching? It could be peaceful!
Bob: Tchyeah, right! Haven't you seen Monty Python! It'll bite our heads off unless we kill it first!
Dave: Yeah, B.A.'s always trying to trick us with innocent-looking stuff like this!
Brian: Too bad for him I already read Hard Eight Magazine's supplement on increasing the Challenge Rating of various animals. They had a Fiendish Sheep that makes the Vorpal Bunny look like an annoying flea!
B.A.:.oO(Just wait 'til they see the REAL monster!)[smirk]

Well, Knights fans, how did I do?

[chaos42]

This makes me want to dig up the Freudian rendition of Cat in the Hat

[Mr.Shroom]

Any self-claimed furry: To shack up with my sweet self.

/mockage

[Garr_The_Sane]

[quote="Mr.Shroom";p="213451"]Any self-claimed furry: To shack up with my sweet self.

/mockage[/quote]

you better believe it baby

[Mr.Shroom]

You do realize that Colonel Sanders is rolling in his grave from that, don't you?

And that Ernest Hemmingway response is just too apt to his nature.

[Blaze]

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

AHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!!!!!! Garr's trying to kill me by exploding my SPLEEN!

In other news:

Sigmund Freud: The chicken stood on the brown gulf of his unhappiness. The road represents societies barriers in preventing him from reaching the other side, and the green meadows of loving, life giving grass on the other side reprsents the chicken's mother. His long travail across societies barriers represent the fact that he is of a mind to overcome any obsticle to copulate with his mother.

Garr_the_Sane: No other chickens cross the road. This radical chicken was a very leader of forward avian thinking, and wished to perform a radical first in achieving new intelectual levels for chicken-kind. The road represents the various experiments the chicken will partake of, including mind altering drugs, a dabbling in the occult, sexual promiscuity, and deep self involving meditation. It's black asphalt represents the poor feelings the chicken will experience durring this time, and the green meadow of the other side the joys which it will eventually reach.

[Mr.Shroom]

Thats so not sexual enough to be Garr.

[Skorpion]

I think the chicken was just suicidal.

[CutieCorey]

Why did the chicken need a reason to cross the road? Maybe everything we do doesn't have to have a reason. Some of the best things in life are random.

[Thrawn]

The answer to all of lifes questions(even this one) is because.