What do you think of my story.

[Bjarni Herjolfsson]

The Fanatic P.I.T.A.

Shelly was walking down the sidewalk on her way to work when she saw a man eating a beef sandwich.
“Meathead,” scolded Shelly.
He glared at her and swiftly turned his head back as he dropped some of the beef from his sandwich as a swarm of disease infested rats and a homeless man scrambled for the food.
As he was eating, he asked for some money.
“Excuse me miss, may I please have some mon …” he said as he was interrupted.
“Get a job ya bum,” said Shelly as she stole the beef and fed it to the rats and petted them as if she was petting a lap dog. After the rats consumed the meat, she put them down and petted them and went along her way.
The reason Shelly is so critical of people eating meat is because she is an extremist member of P.I.T.A. Her philosophy was that everyone in the world should eat tofu, fruits, and vegetables. And not many people will suffer from this, will they? Only entire countries rely on meat for food. She believed they all deserved to die because they were too uncivilized to grow food in the soil that was impossible to grow weeds and acquire water in the middle of the desert. And that is who our heroic character of our story is.
Shelly continued to criticize people for eating meat as she went to work. When she arrived, she was informed about their new plan. The city was going to pass a bill that allowed them to use meats for food stamps so the homeless can have easier access to better food for a cheaper price.
“We must stop this at once,” said Shelly.
“They also plan on giving free meat and that will mean people can enjoy meat products without a price,” said a coworker.
So they all went to the government building lobby to stop the bill.
“What do you all want?” cried the clerk. “We are only trying to help people in need. Would you rather have people starve to death than a few animals die?”
“It’s a price we are all willing to pay,” replied Shelly.
“They were here first,” said another P.I.T.A. member.
“We have no right to go on their land and kill them,” said a second one.
The barbaric inhumane clerk was so dumbfounded by the heroicness that he went in and told everyone. Subsequently, the clerks laughed the organization out of the building.
The next week, the organization decided to hold a rally and did. Regardless of how wonderful and great the effort was it was somewhat comical to watch. There were three people that attended the rally. They shouted out slogans as the people walked by and hysterically laughed. They continued to rally and ignored the people.
There were only a few days left until the bill would be voted on. P.I.T.A. did everything in its power to stop the bill. They held more rallies, they told people to call the representatives to not vote on a bill that would be inhumane and, god forbid, help people.
The bill was voted on. The result was unanimous and the bill had passed. The organization was heartbroken. They decided to start boycotting meat. That continued the boycott, which really wasn’t a boycott considering that they didn’t eat meat anyway, for a few more years. Prices of meat stocks continued rising. Shelly continued to fight the terrible food markets and government who were doing the monstrous action of helping people to no avail.
This time Shelly had a plan. She would go to the cow fields with a large tub of weed-killer and spray the fields killing all the grass. She though that by doing so she could make all the cows really thin and no one would eat them. Though the cows would be malnourished they would live. 3 weeks later every domestic cow in the state was dead. Though she felt terribly sorry for the cows she felt she had accomplished something. By killing off all the cows, people couldn’t eat them, right? Shelly was arrested. Ironically the jury consisted of all the men walking down the street eating beef sandwiches and homeless people she had so long tortured.
So Shelly ended up in the state women’s penitently next to a window. She was given all sorts of meat to eat which she threw at the guards. Shelly was in solitary confinement for 2 hours after every meal. She stopped giving hear meat so she was very malnourished. They started giving her some tofu which she would eat ravenously. She would make random animal sounds every now and then in order to attract attention. The legend goes that to this day you can hear her making animal sounds out her window hoping the animals she loved so much would come to her rescue.

(no rats, cows, or any other animal were harmed in the writing of this story except the one I stepped on while I wasnt paying attention and conceiving the story.)

[Quelkron]

The point that you seem to be making here seems like it would fit better in a persuasive essay or something of the like. Or perhaps you were aiming for nothing more than a odd/silly story, and in that case you certainly succeded. The only real crit I can give is that it is P.E.T.A. not P.I.T.A. It's important to remember to get all of the superficial facts right when writing against something so it looks like you fully researched the topic (even if you didn't).

If you were tryin to make a specific point (i.e. the futility/rediculousness of PETA policies) then you had some good staring points for aguments but none of them were really fleshed out. If you followed through on more of the points you made it would make the entire piece more effective.

But if it was simply an odd story then all I can say is that it certainly was odd.

(Its nice to know that such a minimal amount of animals were injured during the making of this story)

[Bjarni Herjolfsson]

The story was an assignment for a class. It had to be a satire. I did the PITA thing on purpose sorta how in spaceballs instead of saying the force, they said the schwartz. The purpose of my story is just as corrosive critisism on fanatasism in general.

[Quelkron]

Ah, I see, it all makes sense now. Well for the purposes of the story it seems to work.