"Shocking, Numbing"

[BWIceSoldier]

"Shocking, Numbing" is a poem I wrote for my school's poetry unit a month or so ago. The people I made read it had said that it was written well, and I even got the writing award in the contest.

But I doubt that you read the opening, so without further adieu(however you spell that), the poem "Shocking, Numbing."

---

Walking along
the street one day,
minding myself,
not caring about anything not in my sight.

Sun,
Breeze,
Perfection in the kindest way.

A fateful day it was,
however a dreadful feeling
was not in the air.

Through a residential area,
Life at its fullest,
At its purest,
At its last.

A loud shockwave,
like an explosion,
like a gunshot.
I tried to dodge, but it
Was too late.

Pain.
Excruciating, searing pain.
Sourced at the chest, but spreading,
Fast.

Fell to the ground.
Blackness encroaching, shortly taken over by
Light. Bands of it in every color
Weaving around me, a tapestry, a cocoon.
The ground, though partially unseen,
turning moist and crimson.

For a moment, everything but the light
Stops.
Then, as if drugged, a sudden euphoria
spreads all over my body,
Tingling,
Warm and fuzzy,
The feeling everyone in the world wants, but
Can only get in love, drugs, or this moment.

I feel myself
Torn, in two pieces.
The cocoon shifts slightly, and I see
Myself, or my lifeless body,
Sitting in a pool of blood,
Being stared at by one person, then two, then three,
I crane my neck to see a full picture,
But the cocoon shifts again, and the image
is enveloped in light, never to be seen again.

A choice lands in my head.
Leave this world?
Stay and haunt?
I think of all the pros and cons, but
Too much time is taken, and I am
Ushered out.

Life is too short to
complain endlessly.
I learned that the hard way.
I'm not saying
Be what you want to be,
That's too cliched. I'm
Just saying that don't sit
And do nothing.

"And remember kids, with great power, comes great oppertunity to abuse that power."

---

Comments, criticism, flamewar, ellipses, anything?